'Talking White' and 'Average Black Girl'

First of all, there is no such thing as 'Talking White', 'white' is not a language.

The fact that stereotypical 'ghetto behaviour' is what many people associate with being black and that anyone who doesn't conform to this stereotype is seen as a sell out is simply disgusting. In the words of Nas:

"Before we came to this country

We were kings and queens, never porch monkeys!

There were empires in Africa called Kush

Timbuktu, where every race came to get books

To learn from black teachers who taught Greeks and Romans"

'I Can' from the 'God's Son' album

Even in history books (as modified as they may be) my ancestors were educated people. Black people as a whole have struggled for too many years and shed too much blood in order for us to be entitled to an education outside of the mother land; to have the European languages we have been educated in spoken incorrectly makes all their efforts seem futile. The funniest thing is that the people who accuse others of 'Talking White' are the same people who can't speak any language (African) that would allow them to 'Talk Black'! *rolls eyes*

Secondly, 'An average black girl'? What does that even mean? In an ethnicity with so many variations in shade, background and culture what does the 'average' look like?

I don't know what black women did to receive so much backlash from the world. Time and time again they have been the backbone and support system to changing history and to creating amazing men as both mothers and wives. Through all storms black women have stood firm, unwavering in their determination to make the next generation better, yet somehow, the people they have been so strong for have become the same people who have shown the most disdain for them. I'm not saying black women should be worshipped but definitely appreciated, if not by the whole world, at least by fellow black people.

I wish more black people would embrace the greatness and strength of our people instead of constantly trying to find a way to belittle and segregate one another. Can we just live?!

Not rude, honest...

Colourism

"Colourism: Prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group." OxfordDictionaries.com

Personally I have never had to deal with colourism and as a result I was a little shocked to realise how big of an issue it was. Growing up I was a member of the only black family in my town so I had more issues with racism than colourism.

My family is very diverse and as such I have always been around family from all over the world and whom are all different shades ranging from white to black. As a child I was predominantly around my mixed race cousins and white friends but never was I made to feel ugly or less worthy because of my complexion.

This is more or less what my family looks like!

I later moved into the heart of London where multiculturalism is the norm and even then the only brief encounter I had with colourism was a myth (or at least that's what I thought it was back then...) that black boys only wanted to date mixed race girls. I believed it was a myth because I had many black male friends who all dated black girls and my black girl friends never had an issue finding a date.

Fast forward 10 or so years, I now understood complexion jokes in movies, "The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice" now seemed like a segregational statement, 'School Daze' was no longer just a funny movie and I become overall more conscious. This is when I truly began to understand just how serious and real the problem of colourism is. Even at this point however, colourism didn't directly affect me and seeing hashtags like #TeamLightSkin and #TeamDarkskin on social networks was as stupid and meaningless to me as the cinnamon challenge.

Scene from 'School Daze': War between light & dark skinned girls

As I am currently at the age of settling down and starting a family, I have started thinking of issues that I could possibly face in the pursuit of creating a happy home. I've been thinking of parenting and the best way to raise a well rounded individual and issues that were previously of little importance to me are now up for review. It occurred to me that my child may be that 'silly' person that needs to tweet their every move to feel important or become obsessed with a celebrity or be that girl that believes a UK size 8 (US size 2) is fat; these are all things that I have never experienced or felt. How do you teach a child that self worth is not based on Instagram likes?

Imagine this was your daughter?! My biggest nightmare!

I have always found it ridiculous that people who looked black to the world would go out of their way to call themselves 'mixed' or tell you "My great-grandad was white/chinese/indian" but understanding the existance of colourism doesn't make it sound as silly to me as it previously did. Colourism, even in its Oxford Dictionaries definition, appears to only affect dark skinned girls but as I was watching 'Light Girls' after having previously watched 'Dark Girls' my heart broke at the idea that my little girl, whether her skin is light or dark, could one day face these struggles based solely on a genetic predetermination she had no control over. That my son could subconsciously have a negative outlook on black women even though he loved those in his bloodline. As if living with racism every day wasn't enough of a burden!

'Dark Girls' trailer (2011)

How am I to prepare my children against the same people they are supposed to be able to stand side by side with to fight for equality of races? How do you explain to a child that not only are other races going to look down on them but that there was classism based on skin tone within their own race? My mum is the colour of brown sugar and my dad the colour of chocolate, I see myself as a perfect blend of the two and have always been made to feel as such; how then can I relate to the feeling a person gets from being the 'wrong' shade of black? 

'Light Girls' trailer (2014)

Colourism dates back before the brown paper bag tests (Google it!) and it angers me that colonialism and slavery has left such deep wounds in not only the black race but in other races as well. Finding a cream or lotion in Bankok, Thailand without a lightening agent is like finding money on the street, it happens but very rarely. Lightening products are sold just as freely in supermarkets in Abuja, Nigeria. India is notorious for its skin tone segregation especially when casting for Bollywood movies. In Japan people literally paint their faces white to remove the pigmented appearance of their skin.

Bleaching cream billboard advertisement

I can't even imagine what hating the skin you're in feels like, it's a concept that is quite hard for me to grasp. Outside of the institutional racism that I face every day as a black woman, I have also experienced violent racism but never have I hated myself or my skin colour. Ironically, this could be BECAUSE I grew up around white people. The white people I encountered who were not racist were the first to comment on how beautiful my skin was so I grew up accepting that some caucasians would like me and some wouldn't, either way there was nothing wrong with me and unless they threatened my wellbeing,  how they felt about me was their problem and not mine. 

This is something I hope I can teach my children, how to love themselves irrespective of outside opinions and to allow others to live their lives as they choose instead of criticising or judging them based on their differences/choices.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Martin Luther King Jr.

Au Naturel Update (Products)

Let me start by saying that I'm officially a product junkie. Lol!

I have spent a small fortune on hair products since going natural but in 2013 I upgraded from 'Natural Hair Journey' to 'Healthy Hair Journey' so a lot of products have been set aside (they contained non soluble silicones and/or mineral oils) and I spend my money much more wisely. Along the way I've learned that it's not really about which products you use but HOW you use them.

When it comes to products, one of my main deciding factors is 'smell'. If the product smells foul it is not getting purchased! The only exception to this rule is shampoo and only because it's always followed up by a nice smelling conditioner.

I have experimented with making my own products but as I have said in my Journey and Regimen update, I'm lazy when it comes to hair so I'd rather just buy it. The only thing I still enjoy making are deep conditioners, I am yet to find the perfect deep conditioner in a bottle. Here is a list of my favourite products.

Shampoos 

• Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Moisture Retention Shampoo
• Dudu Osun/Black Soap

             

Conditioners

I make an avocado, banana, coconut milk, oil mix (any 3 I feel like at the time) and honey deep conditioner but I also buy a few for lazy days and co-washes.

• Giovanni 50:50 Balanced Hydrating-Calming Conditioner
• As I Am Coconut CoWash Cleansing Conditioner
• Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Moisturising Conditioner
• TRESemmé Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner

                   

                            

Leave-in Conditioners

• Kinky Curly Knot Today Leave-in/Detangler
• Giovanni Direct Leave-in Weightless Moisture Conditioner
• KimmayTube Recipe - 2tbsp leave-in conditioner (one of the above), 2tbsp aloe vera juice, 2tsp castor oil, 2tsp oil of choice

                            

Moisturisers (water based products)

• Oyin Handmade Hair Dew Daily Hair Quenching Lotion
• Shea Moisture Organic Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie

                          

Creams (not water based)

• Organic Unrefined Shea Butter
• Carol's Daughter Healthy Hair Butter
• Carol's Daughter Hair Balm

                      

                                                 

Oils

• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Jamaican Black Castor Oil
• Organic Coconut Oil
• Vitamin E Oil
• Sweet Almond Oil
• Tea Tree Oil
• Jojoba Oil
• Avocado Oil

             

Styling Products

• Camille Rose Almond Jai Twisting Butter
• Miss Jessie's Curly Buttercreme
• Oyin Handmade Boing! All In One Coil Styler
• Carol's Daughter Loc Butter
• Eco Styler Olive Oil Styling Gel
• Let's Jam Conditioning & Styling Gel (Extra Hold)

                                         

              

                                                  

Spray Bottle Recipe

• Protective style spray: 1/4 conditioner, 1/8 oils (any 3), 1tsp honey, 3 drops tea tree oil and fill with water
• Everyday spray: 1/4 aloe vera juice, 1/8 glycerin and fill with water

Of this list I think only 3 products contain either silicones, parabens, petroleum or mineral oil (Miss Jessie's Curly Buttercreme, Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Conditioner and Let's Jam Conditioning & Styling Gel) the rest, I believe, are 100% natural (correct me if I'm wrong!). I plan to find substitutes for these 3 products and if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments below. 

I would also love to hear your experiences with products, things that have helped you on your journey and any recipes you think are a must try. My main issue is moisture retention so any tips with that will be greatly appreciated.

Healthy hair is happy hair :)

Au Naturel Update (Journey & Regimen)

Oh how things have changed! LOL!

Illustration by Keturah Ariel
I love her work!

Some of you will already know from my previous blog that I decided to start transitioning from relaxed (chemically straightened) hair to natural hair; my last relaxer was in October 2010. I decided not to do the big chop (cut off all my hair and wait for it to grow back) because frankly, I was scared I wouldn't be able to carry off the look. Instead I cut off 4 inches of hair for every 2 inches of growth (I was too lazy to stick to the original 1inch plan) and since my hair grows pretty quickly, I had cut off all my relaxed hair by August of 2011. This post is just an update on my journey, my current regimen and useful sources of information that have helped me along the way. I will write a separate post to highlight the products I use.

The Journey

As I stated before "I'm not entirely sure why I decided to go natural, my hair wasn't breaking and I wasn't trying to make a statement (none of that afro centric stuff!), I guess I was just tired of depending on my perm." so I didn't have a goal when going natural. My hair has always been an instrument to looking good so I guess my only aim was to look good with natural hair. It did not work out that way.

I loved my hair and the new texture and curls that had replaced my previously silky straight strands BUT I didn't feel like I looked good. Before y'all jump into a lecture about black women hating themselves and wanting to look white *rolls eyes* let me just state that that is simply not the case. I have never liked big hair on me any more than I have liked heavy make up or knee length skirts,  it's not a race thing, I just don't like it. Whether it be thick layers of Beyoncé style weave or too many flicks and curls, I just can't deal! Believe me, I've tried!

I am simply not comfortable with big hair so you can just imagine how I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror every day and a huge afro stared back at me. I did the only thing I could do without reaching for the creamy crack (relaxer), I got a weave. For three months I  got weave after weave and refused to face my new hair but it was a very short term solution. I hate weaves too. They itch, they make my head sore and the feel of hair that isn't mine on my face and neck was just too much for me to bear! I was stuck between a rock and a hard place - weave or afro? I chose my afro. I hate big hair but I hate weaves more!

Luckily by this point my hair was long enough to go into a comfortable bun with neatly slicked sides. On bad days when my hair refused to co-operate I would do a puff but I felt very self conscious and uncomfortable. I tried braid/twist outs but to date (August 2014) I am yet to have a successful one.
It took me a while to understand that hair had to be treated right to maintain its health, as a permed chick I always had a hairdresser deal with those technicalities but it became my responsibility and boy did I make many mistakes!

Mistake #1: Avoiding water - I grew up, like most black girls, believing water was bad for your hair. As a natural I avoided water because of the shrinkage, I lose 50%-75% of my hair length when my hair is wet so in order to avoid a tangled mess I avoided water. Now I know better and dampen my hair at least once every two days.

My relationship with water explained
 in a picture lol

Mistake #2: Heat - I have had to cut my hair on two occasions as a result of heat damage. I used to blow-dry my hair straight after every wash when I first went natural (habit from my relaxed days) which meant I had to cut off nearly 7 inches at the end of 2012. Not realizing it was the heat that gave me those hideous ends I continued my blow drying method, albeit less frequently, so by May 2013 I had to cut off another 5 inches. By this time I had started following a few natural haired ladies and realized that heat was a no no so I went a year (May 2013 to May 2014) without any heat and the results were awesome. I did a 3 inch trim in June 2014 as a result of split ends (residual from the head damage I assume) and now my hair looks and feels great.

Heat styling tools - these were my best
friends *covers face*

Mistake #3: Believing my hair couldn't be soft - I don't know where I got this idea from but I guess I just assumed that only people with relaxed hair or silkier textures had soft hair. Since learning how to properly maintain hair moisture my hair has felt heavenly! Probably the best thing I've learned since going natural, if my hair is not soft it's definitely moisture deprived.

Type 'soft hair' in Google images.
No comment.

Mistake #4: Laziness - As I said earlier, my hairdresser dealt with protein/moisture balances and hair maintenance, all I had to do was show up and pay! Going natural made all that my responsibility and boy was I lazy! I often went to bed with no headscarf/bonnet, ignored moisturising, all the while complaining about dryness and once my Senegalese twists were in, my hair was ignored for 5-6 weeks at a time! *covers face* All this resulted in so much 'repair' work that I just had to change my ways and schedule hair maintenance days (I have a busy life and wash day takes forever) to ensure things never got too bad. I'm much better but I still have a lot to learn.

There is a myth that natural hair = healthy hair and this is NOT TRUE! I learned that the hard way :(

By 2013 I had accepted that my minimalist approach to hair wasn't doing me any favours and that if I wanted to look good with natural hair I would have to actually put effort into it. I had seen some Youtubers say they washed their hair 3 times a week and each wash took them 9 hours! That was NEVER going to be me! I have a life and a career and one day I will also have kids, no way was I going to get into a habit of spending 27 hours a week on hair washing alone!
I decided to learn what was essential and try to squeeze it all into a once a week routine. Based on the knowledge I obtained I built up my current regimen and I am happy with it. 

Wash Day Regimen

• Pre-poo: Apply coconut oil and detangle the night before. Cover with shower cap  and satin bonnet then go to bed

• Rinse out coconut oil and co-wash

• Apply deep conditioner, cover with shower cap and towel, leave in for 45-90 minutes (on a really lazy day I leave it in for up to 3 hours! *covers face*)

• Rinse out deep conditioner. Blot out excess water with a t-shirt and apply leave-in conditioner

• Allow to air dry till hair is no longer wet, but still damp and use LOC (Liquid, Oil, Cream) method

• Style and/or air dry

Once a month I also shampoo with a sulfate free shampoo. I have previously tried Apple Cider Vinegar rinses but I didn't notice any benefits. Upon further research I discovered that since I have low porosity hair, ACV isn't optimal for my hair's moisture absorption so I just cut it out all together (I didn't need asking twice! Lol!).

I still get lazy but I try to ensure I wash my hair at least once in 10 days and I now know when my hair needs attention. I haven't perfected the art of "listening to your hair" but by keeping this regimen my hair has definitely become more manageable and there's less fighting before getting it into a neat bun.
Hair Details

Using several sources I was able to determine some characteristics to my hair :

1. Hair Type: 4B/C - The front and crown of my head is 4B while the back and sides are 4C. This makes it a nightmare when using products and probably why twist/braid outs never look quite right.
2. Hair Porosity: Low - This makes it a nightmare to absorb moisture and product build up is a constant battle. I deep condition with body heat to increase absorption.
3. Hair Density: Medium - I have to go easy on hair butters otherwise I end up with limp  & lifeless hair.
4. Hair Width: Medium/Coarse - This is great because I'm not affected by breakage, my strands are quite resistant.
5. Current Hair Length: Between shoulder and armpit length - I've never been big on hair length (more hair, more problems) but I have set myself a goal to become bra strap length by August 2015, I'll keep you updated. 

Hair Length Chart

                           

                                         With assistance from my lil bro -
                                           nearly armpit length (June 2014)

Understanding my hair properties made wash day, styling and buying products much easier. Even if the Youtuber's hair LOOKS like yours, something as small as a difference in porosity will mean you don't get the same results as her with products and/or styles.

Texture shots - 4B/C right? 
The shrinkage is crazy!

Natural hair is a lot of work compared to relaxed hair and I still have A LOT of bad hair days. I don't know if I will ever go back to relaxers but for now I'm happy to keep experimenting with my natural hair. Below are a list of some of my favourite Youtube channels and blogs, hopefully you'll find them as helpful as I did.

Youtube 

SimplYounique - My favourite natural hair channel and her hair type is the closest to mine. She recently relaxed her hair so she may start focusing on the maintenance of relaxed hair. (UPDATE 19/08/2014: She has big chopped for the second time!)
KimmayTube - Good for understanding the science of hair
AfrikanHairGod - Great for styles and general hair maintenance
FusionofCultures - Great for DIY recipes
TheChicNatural - Has great styling tutorials

Blogs

http://www.curlynikki.com
http://www.naturallycurly.com
http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com
http://blackgirllonghair.com

More Keturah Ariel art
I'm at 2 but my goal is 3 by 2015 :)

Healthy hair is happy hair :)

Girl Power!

I've personally never considered myself a feminist however, I have recently been labeled as one by men who's opinions, although I'm a little skeptical of them, I do respect.

When I think of a feminist I always think of a woman who doesn't want doors opened for her, who has 'Girl Power!' and 'Ms Independent' tattooed to her forehead and who forcibly suppresses her physiological 'womaness' just so she can compete with men. I am definitely not that woman but since more than one person has said the same thing I thought I should look into it.

"Feminist - A person who advocates the social, political, legal and economic rights of women equal to those of men." Dictionary.com

Based on this definition I am not a feminist. Other than the fact that I do not advocate any of the above, I was raised in the traditional "a man is the head of the household" way and I have had no issues with it; I have always seen the dynamic work with mutual respect from both spouses, never have I witnessed the wife being treated as 'less than' for being a woman. I have also always seen it as a dynamic of choice and not one that was forcibly imposed (joys of being raised in the western world). Truth be told, I've enjoyed having the men in my life carry the heavy bags and sort out all things technical, from TVs to computers!

All that changed when I worked in the Middle East. I have always known that Arab traditions didn't allow women a lot of freedom but to be treated as substandard due to my gender (and in my case, my colour too) was a huge culture shock!

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer and feminist featured in Beyoncé's track 'Flawless', gave a very insightful speech at the 2012 TEDx talk. 

The experiences she described were very familiar as I had experienced them myself while in the Middle East but still, I feel uneasy characterizing myself as a feminist. It's ludicrous that a male and female carrying out the same job role are paid differently and that a person be treated as a ghost just because they happen to be female but, calling myself a feminist somehow makes me feel as though gender equality is where my passion lies. In reality what I'm passionate about is freedom and equality, not just between sexes but between races, cultures and religions. 

I believe in freedom. The freedom to do as one pleases without the fear of judgment or condemnation. In many parts of the world there are women who are unable to do as they please simply because they are female. In Saudi Arabia it is illegal for women to drive and more recently in Nigeria girls were robbed of their right to an education by those who feel  females shouldn't go to school  (#BringBackOurGirls campaign is still ongoing).

The level of freedom I believe in means that if a woman wants to be treated as 'less than' by her husband, who am I to tell her that it's injustice? Why should a successful or opinionated woman automatically translate into a woman who isn't fit for companionship instead of a woman who simply has drive, is hard working and challenges ideas? Why should I assume a female stripper is being used by men, why not consider the possibility that maybe she just decided she wanted to be the object of male admiration? Freedom is about being able to live your life by your rules and yes, those rules may offend others. 

Chimamanda's speech has definitely highlighted things that need to change in our society, especially in the way we raise our boys, but for me it's more about mutual respect and acceptance of others than gender inequality. If we accept that everyone is free to make their own life choices and that it is not our place to impose our personal beliefs on others, equality between genders will surely be a result of that. We should all be fighting for everyone to have the same rights simply because they are human beings and all types of discrimination should be eradicated.

The jury is still out on whether I can officially wear the badge of feminism without feeling like a hypocrite but unlike others, I don't see it as a negative term. If feminism will give all women around the world the freedom of choice that I take for granted daily then it is definitely a positive movement.

#BringBackOurGirls!

The #BringBackOurGirls campaign has taken over social media yet many people still don't know what is actually going on, so I'll give you a quick break down.

On the 15th of April 2014 nearly 280 (number varies by report) school girls were kidnapped from the Chibok Government Secondary School in Nigeria by a terrorist group known as Boko Haram. I refuse to give terrorists any kind of coverage so you can Google it if you like but this campaign isn't about them, it's about 280 missing girls and their families.

As people we often tend to turn a blind eye to things that don't occur at our doorstep, forgetting that the reason it doesn't occur there is because of campaigns like this. By tackling issues like this with unity and intolerance we prevent it becoming acceptable and therefore, in the long run, making the world a safer place.

Don't misunderstand me, the world is full of evil and some things simply cannot be prevented however, as the famous saying goes, "You can't stop what happens to you but you can choose how you react to them". I'm not even going to get into the muddy puddle that is Nigerian politics or comment on any of the many conspiracy theories, all I am going to say is that today is the 4th of June and girls are still missing. 

I'm not a huge fan of social media as I feel it has greatly diminished the levels of privacy (yes I have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! :-P) however, at a time like this I am grateful that I live in an era where civilians can have a say in the way things are dealt with by 'the powers that be'. Without it, this situation and its outcome may have never been as widely reported. As a result of the worldwide coverage that this situation is getting, the Nigerian government has had no choice but to deal with it (I use the term loosely) instead of turning a blind eye or sweeping it under the rug. 

Personally all I care about is the return of those girls. I, like all of you, have females in my family that I hold very dear, I can't imagine what their families have been going through these past few weeks. 

Nigeria, it's been too long! #BringBackOurGirls

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UK based female Afrobeats artists collaborate to raise awareness,
supporting the Red Cross & AFUCAR.
Free download!