Favourite Bands

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

As you all must know by now, I'm a HUGE 90's music fan and although the musical draught I've been feeling since 2004 seems to be coming to an end and I'm finally starting to enjoy 'newbies' music (any artist/song after 2002/3), the 90's will always have my heart.

A while ago I wrote a post about my favourite artists promising to follow up with my favourite bands (all from the 90's and late 80's of course!). Well here is my promise fulfilled (albeit nearly 3 years later!).

A time before internet and social media detectives *side eye*, watching music videos to learn song lyrics and choreographies was one of the most enjoyable childhood activities  to partake in. Musician's gained fans by how amazing their videos were and they did not disappoint. I know that in this day and age, where HD videos can be produced on your phone, these videos may appear to be poor quality but understand that in the 90's these were simply AMAZING! Standing on a ceiling? Whoa?!

I am a HUGE Spice Girls fan and the high kick in this video embedded 'Say You'll Be There' into my heart. 

The kids (people born in the late 90's and later) probably don't know that Justin Timberlake was part of a great band called N*Sync but my bestie and I have reenacted their songs and choreographies many a time over the years during our girls night ins; 'Bye Bye Bye' is definitely our party trick! Lol!

Although the Spice Girls have the number 1 spot in my heart, at 1.01 there is Destiny's Child. I've loved DC through their band member changes (I recently had to give my not so little brother a history lesson on DC since he didn't know there were originally 4 members) but this video will always be my favourite. LaToya's face + Kelly's hair + LaTavia's attitude + Beyoncé's ad-libs = Destity's Child perfection!

You can't discuss 90's choreography without including Dru Hill, they gave swag a whole new meaning! As this is a soundtrack video it's definitely not their best but I absolutely love 'How Deep Is Your Love For Me'.

Backstreet Boys were already mega famous but when they released 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)' it became a children's party anthem.

We can't talk about girl bands without mentioning the most iconic of them all, TLC. They broke records with their talent and unconventional style. Also known for great choreography, this song in particular became a favourite worldwide - 'No Scrubs'. Rest in peace Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes ♥

Boyz II Men are synonymous with 'harmonies' and have some of the most beautiful voices I've heard to date. To say I had one favourite song would be lying but here's their most popular song, 'I'll Make Love To You'.

Before Kandi Burruss went on to become a 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' star and to write hit songs (she wrote Destiny's Child 'Bills Bills Bills' and co-wrote 'No Scrubs' with band member Tiny who is now also a reality TV star), Kandi was a member of a group called Xscape and although the song 'You're My Little Secret' is trifling as hell, I love it!

Jagged Edge have a great discography but I think everyone will agree that 'Walked Outta Heaven' is R&B gold.

The band Jodeci produced one of the greatest R&B duo's of all time (K-Ci & Jojo for the children in the room) and their song 'All My Life' is an all time wedding favourite.

'Weak' is probably the song that comes to mind when SWV comes up however, 'Can We (Get Freaky Tonight)' featuring Missy Elliott is by far my SWV favourite.

There are no words to express the impact 'Killing Me Softly' by The Fugees had on the summer of '96, you just had to be there.

So there you have it, some of the best bands and songs to grace the Earth. Can you guys tell that I'm greatly missing the days of R&B? Lol! Also, did you notice that all these songs have some seriously 'grown' lyrics? At the time I sang along blissfully unaware of the real meaning behind these songs.

The 90's seem to be making a comeback in both fashion and music but it will never be the same; it's a good thing, some things are better experienced only once.

My Top 3 Foundations

Let me start by saying that I am NOT a beauty blogger or a make-up expert, quite the contrary actually, until quite recently I've never cared about anything beyond a good mascara.

Over the summer I realised that I was a grown woman that didn't own a real foundation (I have a tinted moisturiser) and I decided that by my birthday (shout out to all my November babies!) I would rectify that. I had no clue about foundations so I did what any sensible person would have done, I went to MAC! Lol!

I'm sure you can imagine how overwhelmed I felt when I walked into MAC and discovered they had a huge range of foundations and shades! 

The sales assistant took one look at me and said "I think you should probably try samples first". She saved my life. 'The Foundation Hunt' became my personal project and I spent the summer sampling foundations, learning about skin types and undertones, watching Youtube videos, reading blogs and combing through reviews. I sampled a lot of popular brands including MAC, NARS, Estée Lauder, Giorgio Armani and Fashion Fair to name a few. I tried all types of finishes (dewy, satin, semi-matte, matte), consistencies (liquid, powder, gel, stick) and application tools (fingers, beauty blender and foundation/buffing/stippling brushes). 

Some details about my skin:

• Skin type - Normal
• Undertone - Yellow/Golden (Warm)
• Complexion - My complexion varies slightly depending on how much sun I'm exposed to but at my lightest I'm a MAC (most popular reference) NC45 and at my darkest I'm an NC50, my average is between the two shades.

I was looking for a light to medium coverage foundation that wouldn't look 'cakey' (the main reason I've avoided foundation for so long) and would just give me a nice natural finish. The foundation had to look good on its own because I had no intention of contouring or highlighting, I just wanted to feel like a grown up lol. 

My biggest challenge, which I'm sure many women of colour can relate to, was finding the correct shade. Considering how many different skin shades there are, I was quite surprised that many brands had a very narrow spectrum of shades.  The other challenges I faced were the oxidising of foundation (MAC is the biggest culprit of this, I'd leave home with a perfect finish and return with an orange face! Yuck!) and the heavy/clogged feeling certain foundations gave to my skin.

So after all of that, here are my top 3 foundations:  

1.   YSL Le Teint Touche Éclat 

      Shade: B80

      Finish: Satin

      Coverage: Light to medium

      Price: £31.50/$57

This is my absolute favourite foundation because it makes my skin look ah-mazing! I can barely feel it on my skin and its illuminating properties are very subtle yet noticeable. This is definitely the 'my skin but better' foundation for me. This foundation comes in 22 shades and 3 different undertones so it definitely caters to a variety of complexions.

2.   DiorSkin Forever 

      Shade: 060 - Light Mocha

      Finish: Semi-matte

      Coverage: Medium to full

      Price: £32.50/$50

This foundation is so beautiful! The finish is the most natural looking and long lasting of the three. It gives you a very flawless look but doesn't give you that I-have-the-whole-make-up-counter-on-my-face look. As I stated above, I don't contour or highlight but this foundation doesn't take away your face's dimensions nor does it look flat or dull. This isn't a popular foundation amongst women of colour probably because their shade range is so limited, this is their darkest shade.

3.  MAC Studio Face & Body

     Shade: C7

     Finish: Dewy

     Coverage: Sheer to Light

     Price: £22/$27

This foundation sits perfectly between foundation and tinted moisturiser and because it's so sheer, it is the most lightweight product I have tried. It gives me the sun kissed look that I love and although it has a dewy finish it doesn't make me look greasy.

All three of my chosen foundations are easy to work with, have beautifully natural finishes and are very lightweight on the skin. I would recommend all of these foundations and although their price tags are pretty steep in the world of make-up, I think they are worth every penny. Another foundation that I liked but didn't make my top 3 was MAC Matchmaster Foundation in shade 7.5. It has a semi-matte finish and was a great match for my complexion however, it was detectable on my skin which I didn't like, I like to look like I have nothing on. If I ever upgrade to 'face sculpting' I will definitely be purchasing it.

The queen of face sculpting

I have learned a lot about foundation over the summer and I'm glad I embarked on this journey, 'The Foundation Hunt' was really fun and it was definitely worth it. I don't think I'll ever be the kind of girl that wears foundation every day, I'm just glad I've found foundations that I can reach for without the fear of 'cake face'. 

A lot of the widely praised foundations didn't work for me so I would highly recommend sampling your chosen foundation for at least a full day before making a purchase. It was blog posts like this one that helped me with my search so I hope this post helps make the search for a good foundation easier for other make-up newbies like myself.

Happy sampling!


P.S.

Marc Jacobs recently released new shades of its popular 'Re(marc)able Full Cover Foundation Concentrate' and you can imagine how disappointed women of colour all over the globe were when they discovered that they only had 3 (4 if you want to be generous) of the 22 shades to choose from. 

I'm not one to throw the 'r' word around willy nilly but it's hard not to when designers as big as Marc Jacobs enforce segregation. Yes I said it, enforce!  #NotRudeHonest

Although this is the most current example, many make-up and beauty brands display this form of discrimination, not only to darker women but also, less commonly, to women on the very light side of the spectrum. In this instance, Marc Jacobs seems to have considered very pale skin tones.

Considering that the majority of the world is 'coloured' (I hate that word!) and how many different shades of brown skin exist, it is quite ridiculous that in 2015 beauty brands haven't woken up and smelt the coffee. Put simply, they need to do better. That is all.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

Not Rude, Honest
xoxo

The Marriage Formula (Pt. 1)

Oh my gosh guys, its been ages! I looked at my last uploaded post and it's dated February 2015!  O_o

A couple of weeks ago I saw a TED Talk on my twitter timeline (Twitter: @notrude_honest) and I proceeded to watch it. I love TED Talks but I'm not very good at keeping up with things online so I'm heavily reliant on recommendations from friends/colleagues in order to find ones that interest me.

So anyway, I watched this TED Talk by relationship therapist Esther Perel and was instantly reminded of a conversation I'd had regarding marriage. 

We were debating the components that went into a successful marriage and the two most important ones were love and partnership (Please read my disclaimer before you argue this point. Thank you.). To a lot of people the two may be synonymous but we agreed that they weren't; what we didn't agree on was my 'Marriage Formula':

• Great Partnership + No love = Long marriage (good marriage?)
• Bad Partnership + Love = High probability of divorce (bad marriage?)
• Great Partnership + Love = Great marriage

Please note: For the purpose of this post 'love' will refer to the fairytale variety, the "passionate/butterflies in your stomach/can't breathe without you/you complete me/catch a grenade for you" kind of love.

I know that this formula may be widely unpopular but consider what marriage is and why it was created. Before marriage included white dresses, pre-nups and social media hashtags, marriage was simply about survival. You did not choose a mate based on love, you chose a mate based on capabilities; is he skilled enough to go kill an antelope? If I bring the antelope home can she cook it? Are her hips wide enough for safe childbearing? Is he strong enough to build our house and protect our family?  Is he/she healthy? These were reasons to choose a mate and the basis of attraction.

As society developed and customs were formed, coupling became a cause for celebration hence the modern day weddings, and when there was a need for identity and classification, various versions of the modern day marriage certificate were created.

There is still no mention of love. Why? Because marrying for love wasn't practical. Love was something that would develop after the union and even if it didn't, the lineage would continue and humans wouldn't become extinct. There are still many cultures that participate in the process of arranged marriage and some of the world's most popular love stories are based on the effect falling in love with someone 'impractical' has on arranged marriages.

The tragic love story of Romeo & Juliet

So now that we've got that mini history lesson out of the way, let's review my 'Marriage Formula':

Great Partnership + No love = Long marriage: Even if there is no love (please refer to definition above) the basic uses of mating can be fulfilled - survival and procreation - and therefore, if there is great partnership, a marriage, like a business relationship, can have longevity. Regardless of what you consider to be a happy marriage, a marriage based on partnership can be good. The thing that tends to break down these types of marriages is the need for passion/search for 'fairytale' love.

Bad Partnership + Love = High probability of divorce: A marriage based on love can be greatly affected by a bad partnership. In some rare cases love can overcome the lack of partnership and the marriage can survive however, in general, the lack of partnership means that love loses all its glitter and real life sets in. Bills need to be paid, children need to be raised and priorities need to be aligned. Most couples that have "We just grew apart" as the reason for their break up can usually attribute that to an abundance of love but a lack of partnership. They find themselves going in opposite directions in life and although they love each other, their union simply isn't working out.

Great Partnership + Love = Great marriage: What would be considered a perfect marriage by many in this day and age would consist of both a great partnership and love. The practicalities of marriage would be fulfilled by their partnership and their love would take care of the rest.

Lovers & Friends - Teamwork makes the dream work

We've come a long way from living according to basic survival instincts and marriage now consists of a lot more components than it once did, however, in its basic form, marriage can survive without love. I find it really interesting that people, men and women alike, are frowned upon for marrying for stability when that was the whole point of marriage in the first place. Labelling people gold diggers or bums because they choose to marry someone that will make their life more comfortable/stable seems very harsh to me. As long as both parties know what they're agreeing to I honestly don't see the problem.

Although this wasn't the point of Esther Perel's TED Talk, it was interesting to see that her take on marriage was similar to mine and to hear her explain what the changes in our perception of marriage has done to the way we deal with infidelity (I'll cover that in another post). 

At the end of the day, marriage/coupling is now more of a lifestyle choice than a prerequisite for survival and everyone is entitled to do it whichever way they please.

Live and let live!
XOXO

10 Important Things I Was Told As A Child

1.  If you want something, go and get it: I was taught that nothing was impossible as long as I was ready to work for it.

2.  Enjoy your childhood: Boy did I take that advice and run with it! Good times :)

3.  Not everyone can be your friend: I accepted from an early age that some people would like me and some wouldn't so I never wasted time or tears on the latter.

4.  You are black: This may seem like a pointless statement but in order to survive institutional racism, the colour of my skin and the prejudices that came with that had to be highlighted.

5.  Knowledge is power and therefore an education is essential: My parents never told me what to study or which knowledge would benefit me but they instilled the hunger for knowledge in me and it has served me well.

6.  The things you do today will affect your tomorrow: This made me think twice before doing anything stupid.

7.  Common sense is more important that getting A's at school: Common sense really isn't common. 

8.  Seize every opportunity: This is probably the best advice I was given by someone outside my family, namely, a teacher. Taking this advice to heart has allowed me to lead an amazing life with so many unconventional experiences.

9.  It's not everything that you see that you must say: Some things are just not meant to be passed on.

10. I love you just the way you are: This was hammered into my head before I would reply 'I love you too' and has allowed me to always remain confident in who I am as a person. 

10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me As A Child

1. Don't throw away good bras, breast size changes throughout your life: I have a bit of an obsession with lingerie and have spent a small fortune on bras. If only someone had told me that my bra size would fluctuate I wouldn't have given away my good (and expensive!) bras. *sigh*

2. Failure is a part of life: When you are a high achiever and good at everything you do, parents are so busy encouraging you that they forget to tell you that one day, in whatever aspect of your life, you will fail and that it's ok as long as you get back up again.

3. Graduating from university does not mean automatic success: I'm sure many people can relate to this one. You are encouraged to do so well academically and to get an education but nobody tells you anything about life after graduation.

4. How to make AND keep money: Most people's answer to this is still "Get a job and save." I can assure you that that is not the answer.

5. Your 20s are for getting it together: Somewhere along the line we learned that if we didn't have it all figured out by 21 we had somehow failed society. Having babies you can't afford in a marriage based on puppy love and no real way of covering your student loans only equals a very difficult and unnecessarily stressful life. Take your time!

Normal thoughts for a 21 year old

6. There's no such thing as the perfect relationship but there are many examples of bad relationships: Time and time again I see people putting up with absolute nonsense in their relationships all because "No relationship is perfect so you have to settle", many have even suggested I do the same! Joke's on you.

7. Don't throw away clothes just because they are no longer the 'in' style: In our lifetimes we'll see old fashions come back at least once. Has anyone else seen bootcut jeans making a comeback?

8. Honesty is the best policy BUT sometimes silence is even better: If I had been told this I would have held back on being honest in many situations and would have saved myself a lot of hassle. I have learned that people do not like hearing the truth even if they ask for it.

9. Everyone's idea of 'success' is different: Some people believe that they are not successful until they have a six figure balance in the bank and others, more apparent since the birth of bridal accounts on Instagram (no names!), believe that success is in the size of the ring and/or wedding. It's ok to have your own idea of success and you are not 'unsuccessful' for not achieving standards set by others.

10. Not everyone thinks like you: This seems so obvious but, how many times have you been disappointed by the friend you thought would do for you what you would do for them? Exactly.

'Talking White' and 'Average Black Girl'

First of all, there is no such thing as 'Talking White', 'white' is not a language.

The fact that stereotypical 'ghetto behaviour' is what many people associate with being black and that anyone who doesn't conform to this stereotype is seen as a sell out is simply disgusting. In the words of Nas:

"Before we came to this country

We were kings and queens, never porch monkeys!

There were empires in Africa called Kush

Timbuktu, where every race came to get books

To learn from black teachers who taught Greeks and Romans"

'I Can' from the 'God's Son' album

Even in history books (as modified as they may be) my ancestors were educated people. Black people as a whole have struggled for too many years and shed too much blood in order for us to be entitled to an education outside of the mother land; to have the European languages we have been educated in spoken incorrectly makes all their efforts seem futile. The funniest thing is that the people who accuse others of 'Talking White' are the same people who can't speak any language (African) that would allow them to 'Talk Black'! *rolls eyes*

Secondly, 'An average black girl'? What does that even mean? In an ethnicity with so many variations in shade, background and culture what does the 'average' look like?

I don't know what black women did to receive so much backlash from the world. Time and time again they have been the backbone and support system to changing history and to creating amazing men as both mothers and wives. Through all storms black women have stood firm, unwavering in their determination to make the next generation better, yet somehow, the people they have been so strong for have become the same people who have shown the most disdain for them. I'm not saying black women should be worshipped but definitely appreciated, if not by the whole world, at least by fellow black people.

I wish more black people would embrace the greatness and strength of our people instead of constantly trying to find a way to belittle and segregate one another. Can we just live?!

Not rude, honest...