E-Gangsters

It actually pisses me off that I even need to be writing this but whatever.

Some heeediat fool with too much time on their hands decided that they were gonna post anonymous hate mail on my blog. First of all I just need to state that this is MY blog so if you don't like what you read then as the disclaimer says, click the red 'X' at the top right hand corner of your screen.

Secondly, I was basically accused of not sticking with my black people. You clearly don't know me otherwise you would know that the majority of my friends are black. I for one do not see race as a reason to be friends with a person and will therefore not engage in any meaningless friendships with IGNORANT people regardless of their race! 

On me being stuck up.You're entitled to your opinion so you can have it, you're obviously bitter that I didn't pay you much attention. If I choose to wear expensive clothes that's my prerogative and nothing to do with you. You clearly don't know anything about me to be passing judgements on my character, otherwise you would know I do not think I am better that everyone else and that I am a very humble person.

On me being bitter, I thank God I've had a great life and have nothing to be bitter about. My blog posts are portrayals of the things I see around me and my opinion on them. I don't know exactly why that blog post got you riled up but if you read it carefully you will realize it is not an attack on black or ghetto people but on children who make money and leave their parents behind.

As for my life, I don't know what you heard that makes you think 'it serves me right' but it really isn't any of your business however I choose to live it.  If you have anything you really want to say to me feel free to email me with your name this time so we can have a real heart to heart, you never know, I might have a lot of opinions on you too!

Now to anyone else thinking of becoming the next Incredible Hulk via my blog, please don't! I don't have time for electronic gangsters.

Thank you

Not Rude, Honest.

First I Had A Little, Now I Have A Lot...

I have a bone to pick with a few people that "made it out the hood"! Correction - I have two bones to pick with these people.

Bone Number One - can I just say that buying a house outside 'the hood' but spending 6 days a week in the hood is NOT getting out the hood! The hood is not just a geographical location but also a mentality and an atmosphere so if you sleep in a different area code but spend every waking moment in 'the hood' then sorry love you, ain't left anything! 

Bone Number Two - what kind of child with any love for their parent/s at all makes serious money and leaves their mum in an old council flat or, in this case, the projects? I've recently become addicted to a reality TV show called Basketball Wives (don't judge me!) and in a recent episode one of the main characters, Evelyn Lozada, went to visit her mum who still lives in the projects! Now to be fair, Evelyn herself isn't exactly a millionaire but my thing is if you can drive a Porsche (recently traded in from a Range Rover!), wear Christian Louboutin shoes, carry Louis Vuitton bags and own a high end store, then surely you can move your mum from the projects of the Bronx to a Manhattan apartment!

Bronx Projects

Apartments similar to the one
Evelyn lives in

I see this time and time again, these ghetto people are given a break from poverty and they spend their fortune on 'ice', cars, ridiculously expensive (and ugly!) chains, grills and any other unnecessary rubbish they can claim gives them 'swagger' and forget to invest or put money away for a rainy day! Not long after their second album flops (sometimes it's a one hit wonder single!) you then hear stories that their homes are being repossessed and they are moving back in with their mum whom they had left in the hood! I just wish these people would bloody learn to prioritize jheeze! SMH. 

That is all.

 I hope his mum lives in a mansion...

$2,400,000 for a car! Hell no!!!

Family Affairs

In the past two to three years I have noticed that the youth of today just seem to have no respect, home training or 'brought up-cy' and I have to say it really saddens my heart and fills me with fear for the generation my children will grow up in. Coming from an African home my mum used telepathy to communicate with me, a side eye was all it took to get me back on the straight and narrow! LOL! My parents weren't all that strict when it came to my social life but respect for my elders and everyone around me was a must and bush monkey (a person who does not know how to behave in society) behaviour was not an option! 

A recent set of events got me thinking long and hard about the society we live in and what the possible reasons for such a drastic breakdown in morality and respect could be. Are children not being brought up the 'right' way or are they leaving what they are being taught at home when they leave the house? Although I know society has a lot to do with the path our youth are taking these days I still think that the main focus lays within the family structure and that, in the majority of cases, the way a child is brought up determines the choices they make when they are 'let out' into society. 

These are the aspects I have identified and that I think play a role in the deteriorating quality of our youth. This post is going to be long so brace yourself!

FATHERS

People always say I cannot comment on this aspect because I come from a two parent household but I'm going to add my two pence anyway. First of all I do need to say that men need to take more responsibility for their children, it's a disgrace how ya'll spread your seed and do nothing to help it grow. I can't claim to know what it is like growing up without a father but I can say this - stop using it as an excuse! This may sound harsh but the reality is, I know many people who grew up without a father either because he was waste or because he passed away during their childhood and I find them to be the most driven people I know. You need to remember that during wars kids also grew up without a father once they were sent to war and that made them mature faster not become a nuisance to society! As much of a disadvantage not having a dad may be and as much hurt as it may cause, it is no excuse for being waste. I'm tired of hearing "What did you expect, I had no dad", are you telling me that you required a dad to know murder is wrong, unprotected sex is dangerous and that you need GCSE's? Character flaws and personality traits I can excuse but harmful anti-social behaviour I cannot condone. That is all.

MOTHERS

I'm probably gonna get bricks thrown through my window for the following statements. Mothers, 70% of the blame is on you. You're role is to nurture and therefore bring up the children so if you do not instil the right values into your child not only will the child never learn them elsewhere but your child then becomes a nuisance to society. Women need to stop winging and face up to the fact that however we want to sugar coat it children are primarily our responsibility. Too many mums these days are busy trying to look like a 'yummy mummy' and not teaching their children decorum. I see mums in the nail shop ignoring a child that is throwing a tantrum and proudly boasting in the hairdressers that when their child says "Fu*k you" it's cute, followed by a demonstration. Is this life? 

Notice how she said "It's not funny" while laughing? SMH.

An then when the child becomes a teen and doesn't know how to behave in public or they start telling their parents to "F**k off" the mum starts dropping the "I don't know how s/he became like this" line! Puh-lease spare me your crocodile tears, at which point did you use your mannerisms to demonstrate respect for others and that cursing is wrong? Don't even get me started on the parents that allow their children to grind on each other! So you teach them to dry hump and give them lots of attention while they do it but then you are shocked when your child engages in sexual activities with multiple partners before they are legal to buy a cigarette? Don't piss me off! Slap yourself!

My mum would have BEATEN me!!!

PRIVACY

My mum always used to say "You can buy privacy when you buy your own house!" and I couldn't agree more! Too many parents these days are respecting their children's privacy to the extent that they do not know what their child does from day to day and do not know what the child has hidden in their bedroom till the police come knocking! Obviously kids lie but if like my mum you become nicknamed 'DCI' (Detective Chief Inspector) best believe the things your child could get away with without your knowledge would decrease considerably!
Trust me, I know -__- 

Me, I'm in all my young siblings and cousins' business like white on rice! I do regular Facebook checks (on them and their friends!), Google their names and talk to their friends enough to be able to ID them if and when required, I do not plan to play the "If only I'd paid more attention" game!

DISCIPLINE/FEAR OF PARENTS 

Before your child leaves for pre-school/nursery/kindergarten your child should already know who runs things in your household! Many parents are leaving this aspect of parenting 

out either because they feel that the fear they had of their parent/s made for a bad childhood or because they feel their child is too young to learn discipline, whatever the reason, if your child doesn't know you as the boss at the age of 3 then be assured that at 16 you sure as hell will not be ruling over anyone! If your child is not scared of the consequences they will face at home at an early age, they will not know what is and isn't acceptable behaviour when they are receiving a 'street education', you might as well hand your child over to Yungah Bullet after birth.

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

I have noticed a lot of parents are playing the BFF role with their child and I just don't understand it! I guess they are hoping that if they are 'down' with their kids their child will be more comfortable telling them the intimate details of their lives. ***NEWSFLASH*** You are WRONG!!! No amount of matching outfits will get your child to tell you their intimate secrets! To them you may be a BFF but to your child's friends you are still a parent and it is not 'cool' for them to let you in on their life. You only become your child's friend once your role as a disciplinarian is done which is on average when they are 18. 

RESPECT

This for me is the deciding factor on whether you will have a well behaved child or a brat. Parents need to teach their children how to respect other people and more importantly, themselves. The majority of the problems in society today are based on the fact that people are not respecting themselves, the people around them or their environment. No way would I have been caught dead disgracing myself (which my parents thought was a direct way to disgrace them!) in anywhere with more than one witness! What happened to the days where kids were well behaved in public simply to avoid aunty Bola dragging you home by your ear or uncle Kwame reporting you to your dad? Where have the uncle Desmonds that used to 'lick your neck back' (hit you upside the head) if they caught you acting badly gone? I miss the days where the family of a prostitute thought she was working as an accountant and proud hoes people like OG Niki were non existent...

MORALS

Morals shape our society so why parents think they can get away with not teaching their children this essential part of life is unexplainable. Teaching a person morals has to be done both verbally and visually, the 'Do as I say and not as I do' rule cannot come into play here so you have 9 months to read up on it, research the topic and change your life because saying "It worked for me" is not an excuse to raise a child without any morals.

FREEDOM

As I said earlier my parents were very relaxed about my social life, which was very uncharacteristic for Nigerian parents, but I still had rules. I had to come straight home from school and never gallivant in my school uniform. Also I had to have a destination, none of that 'chilling on road' business as my dad used to say "Roads were created to get you from A to B, it's only a destination to homeless people". 
Too many kids are free to just 'jam on road' which is how they end up being at the wrong 
place at the wrong time. It's a parent's job to ensure you know where your child is at any given time and there's no way the vast number of children I see looking aimless on the streets all got away with lying to their parents about their destination, there is clearly a lack of monitoring. To be honest the only destination you owe your child is school and a religious establishment (if you are that way inclined) so why you allow your children to have a fully booked events calendar when they have no qualifications and do not work as PA's is way beyond me. If your child has too much time on their hands, do what my aunt did and buy them some revision books so they can get ahead at school, her daughter could spell 'communication' before I could and there's a three year age gap!

Raising kids is not easy and in this day and age it is probably harder than ever before but the foundation required for a well behaved child comes from the family. There is no way to teach a person how to become an adequate parent, (the Supernanny approach can't work for everyone!) I just think that if parents did their basic duties the rest would fall into place and there would be fewer 'bad seeds'. The increasing number of teenage parents obviously isn't helping things, one fool my brother calls a friend is a prime example of this:

Fool: Nah, on a real though I think it's time for me to breed (impregnate) my girl!
Me: You're not ready, you haven't finished your education, you live with your mum and you're still very young for that kind of responsibility
Fool: Nah man, I'm ready
Me: Do you have baby money?
Fool: Yeah, man's stacked up! I have £20k under the bed *dumb grin*
Me: (-_-)

And on that note my child will be going to private school! No way is my child going to school with the offspring of an individual stupid enough to believe £20,000 is enough to raise a child, when he can't afford the tuition I will be paying he will surely come to his senses! People need to take becoming a parent more seriously, there is so much more to parenting than giving your child 'swagger'.

I believe that if our family affairs are in order then children will know how to conduct themselves outside of the home and as a result the quality of our society as a whole will improve.

Just a thought...

Disclaimer: Please note I did not say that this was ALL it will take to make a better society or that parents are solely responsible for their children's actions, I just highlighted a few points that I think could help!

I Ain't Sayin She A Gold Digger...

The term 'gold digger' has been flying around for years but what really annoys me is the fact that men are now trying to use it to discourage women from openly stating the fact that they want a man with a huge bank balance!

I remember a few years back during one of my university Afro Caribbean Society meetings I stated that I refused to date a broke guy and that the minimum I would expect is a guy that would keep me at the standard I was accustomed to. The reaction I received from the men and some of the dumb ass-licking females tryna get laid, you'd think I wanted to re-instate slavery!

You see my thing is this, as a single woman with no children I get my hair done every 3 weeks at quite an expensive hair salon, I get a mani-pedi every fortnight, I travel at least twice a year, I wear clothes that may be deemed expensive by some and I like going out a lot. When you add bills and car insurance, my lifestyle is quite an expensive one BUT I work hard to keep it that way. Now unless I date a guy who is also well paid and can handle his business I will end up having to cover the costs of our being together e.g. if I want to go on holiday and he's broke MY pay cheque will have to cover both of us or if he can't afford to get line rental on his phone MY phone bill will have to increase in order for us to have those long conversation that as women we just love! Getting my drift? 

So why is it that because I decided to do the government a favour and start covering my partner's job seeker's allowance, do I have to walk around with a nappy head or cut down on my outings? How fair is that? My solution? Date a guy that has at least enough money to cover himself so I can stay at the standard I am accustomed to. And this was all I was trying to say at that meeting that nearly got me stoned.

Having said that I do plan to marry a guy that has considerably more money than me (which will be kind of hard when I start making that cardiac surgeon money!) and I refuse to feel ashamed for saying it! Men have started making women feel insecure for wanting a provider which is totally wrong. Men are SUPPOSED to provide for their family so why would a woman with half a brain want to be tied to a man that will make her downgrade from Brazilian hair to synthetic? Even if she doesn't bring in an income but she raises your kids, keeps a clean house, cooks your meals and irons your shirts she's not a gold digger, she's your WIFE!!! She just chose to do those things for the highest bidder and there ain't no shame in that!!!

A gold digger is a woman that is only with you for your money, has the cheek to hire a maid and always feed you take away!!!  This type of woman will either claim to be infertile throughout your marriage or she will push out the token child that will guarantee her an income when you find out she's sleeping with the mail man, the pool guy AND the gardener!

The funny thing is, these females are not hard to spot so please stop trying to make the rest of us feel bad for wanting a well paid husband and an expensive engagement ring! That is all.

Not Rude, Honest.

No Homo

I've been having a bit of writer's block and as a result I have like seven half written posts that I couldn't find the words to complete, sad times *sighs*. Moving on...

A while ago a trend that I really don't understand begun. After every flattering sentence typed on a social network to a person of the same sex came...

Examples include:

"Man looks like he's been living in gym! No homo."

"Your swagger is on point still. No homo" 

"I heard you man shut down that rave last night! That's my G right there! No homo"

And girls got involved too:

"You look really nice in that dress. No homo lol!"

"I love Nicki Minaj! No homo!"

Now I don't know what led these individuals to believe that paying a person of the same sex a compliment is a sign of homosexuality or why they feel that by typing 'no homo' at the end of their sentence somehow purifies them of homosexual tendencies but I do know it gets on my damn nerves! Especially since guys are acting more feminine every day! Am I the only one that has noticed that men are becoming less manly? Let me give some examples:

Skinny Jeans - I don't care how trendy it is for a man to walk around in sprayed on bottoms, nothing strips a man of his manhood as quick as a pair of skinny jeans!

Handbags - I don't care what fancy macho name you males have given this in order to justify your actions or what celebrity you are using as a proof that your manhood is in tact, handbags were made for females! STOP IT! If it's not a backpack or a briefcase your manhood is questionable.

Threading/waxing of eyebrows - Yes I noticed! You guys have taken grooming too far with this one mate. And you have the cheek to type 'no homo'! Get outta here!

'Money Over B***hes' - Now I know ya'll think you're so cool by dropping this line but let me give you a short journey into a female's mind (please note that this is a hustler's mentality not that of an upstanding citizen): 

To make money you are surrounded by males 

↓

Money should be used to impress the opposite sex in order to secure a mate and start a family

↓

That is not your aim so you just want to make money

↓

You like the attention other males give you for having money

↓

You are always surrounded by men and women don't interest you

↓

Damn, we lost another one...

A few of you guys may want to take some time out to re-evaluate your choice of lifestyle. Just Saying.

Sensitivity - Don't get me wrong, we ladies love a guy who can tap into his emotional side but to live there? C'mon man, where's your pride? Nothing is less attractive than a sulking male. Man up!

Toy Boys - I know women these days are more driven than men and as result you are more likely to find a woman with her stuff together (degree, job, car, house...) than a man but you men that live off your female counterparts, who did you sell your testicles to? You need those back asap!

JLS-inspired V-neck Tops - The fact that you even chose JLS as a style icon is disturbing. Just so you know, unless you are on stage, no amount of hours at the gym will make a visible pectoralis major with matching nipple in a public place acceptable or manly. We are smiling out of politeness but we are thinking, "Poor guy, lost his Y chromosome in '09. Hopefully one day he'll find a man to make him happy..."

Fans - All guys these days seem to be licking each other's arses in the most degrading of ways! Why are you repeatedly commenting on your boy's swagger and liking his every status? And those of you that make a beeline through a rave to greet a guy, SMH. Comments like "You don't know about my boy/G/don!" makes me very glad I don't because the love ya'll have for each other is a bit disturbing.

Dance buddies - Yeah, you see you man that are up in the rave dancing with/to each other? ALLOW IT! Straight kinky business. You don't think females wonder why you guys are shouting lyrics to each other when there are girls walking around in batty riders and crop tops? Or why you got aired at the end of the rave when trying to collect BB pins? I'll tell you - Kadiesha was pissed off that you made her wear her Beyonce best and waste lace front glue when you didn't pay her no mind all night!

Facial Piercings - So because Tupac and Lil Wayne did it all you Tom, Dick, Harry and Jeromes want to go ahead and start piercing your nose and lips yeah? ***Newsflash*** You ain't them and it ain't cool! That is all.

Pink - Unless it's a formal shirt, pink is not meant for males period! I don't care if it says "Suck my d**k!" on the front, it doesn't show cockiness, it just lets women know that you prefer a stronger jaw...

So there you have it, a few examples of how the number of women with XY genotype in the world are increasing and no amount of 'no homo' can disguise the fact that these days manly men are few and far between.

Not Rude, Honest. No Lesbo!

Time Waits For No Man

In life we meet so many people, some stay for a day, some for a year and others stay for a lifetime. Many of the people you will meet will have no impact on your life whatsoever - the guy that served you at a restaurant, the girl that held the door open for you at a store - they will remain faceless and nameless in your journey of life, but others will leave a sign saying 'I was here'.

 Maybe it is the volume of people we meet that allows us to either believe they will always be there or that they are replaceable but whatever the reason, we are all guilty of taking those around us for granted. The one thing everyone seems to forget is that you may meet another person like them but never another person to be them.

I have recently lost two friends. They died in very different ways but the result was the same - shock, pain, sadness. The thing is,  in my day to day life they had no impact, we didn't talk every day or see each other weekly but it doesn't make the loss any easier. As the news started sinking in I started having flashbacks of our times together and then a new feeling cropped up - regret. I regret not making contact with them more often or arranging to meet up somewhere as we always said we would. The truth is I took them for granted, I figured that since our friendship was already solidified and we hadn't fallen out there would always be time for us to do those things later. How wrong was I?

Death is an inevitable part of life but unless we are sick we naturally assume we have all the time in the world to do things and that death won't hit us till old age. The thing we forget is life, not death, is the rarest of the two. There are so many ways in which a person could die yet only one way to come to life and even once born, survival is a struggle and staying alive is a gift. We need to remember that time waits for no man and death doesn't make an appointment with you so live each day like it's your last, let those you care about know how important they are to you and keep in contact with the rest even if it's only via a social networking site. Life is fragile and tomorrow is never promised.

Having said all that, I want to pay tribute to two people who left their mark in my life and I pray that both their souls rest in perfect peace. Death is harder on those who live and I pray that their families and friends are given the strength to get through these very difficult times. I hope we will meet again one sweet day Sadiq and Reubini xxx

Sadiq Adebiyi

Reubini Markandoo

Lazy Lover

Ok, so I wrote a post on men who didn't deliver in the bedroom and I started receiving feedback from my male friends that many women also don't 'Put A Little Umph In It'. Because I'm a woman they automatically expected me to jump to the women's defence and deny the allegations (not against me of course!) but they were very surprised to find that I totally agree with them!

I've always gotten along better with guys just because I'm missing the irrational emotions that torment many women exhibit and as a result some of my closest friends are guys. Me and my 'man dem' have had many conversations similar to the ones I have with my girlfriends and they have all at one point or another complained about lazy lovers. A lazy lover is a female that, either because "she thinks she's too cute" (quote!), lack of experience or simply having bad complacent previous sexual relationships, does not know how to 'Work It'.

Sometimes I come across as a feminist due to the passion with which I defend women but the next statement I'm going to make is going to have my inbox full and a lot of people who know me will be shocked - ladies, a big part of your role in life is to cater to your man! I don't care how you sugar coat it or dress it up, this is fact and my blog is called 'Not Rude, Honest' not '21st Century Thinking!' so honesty is what you will get. I have met women who cannot cook and live like pigs but think that because they wear Brazilian weave and look good in a dress their man will be satisfied! Are you girls for real!? And then I hear from the guys that your waist in a rave is a façade because you cannot utilize it in the bedroom! What is this world coming to? 

Now before all the men start quoting me and the ladies start sending bricks through my window I am not saying that a woman's ONLY job is to please her man but ladies, let's not lie to ourselves, that is a big part of it and partly the reason we were created so if you cannot make your man want the 'Milkshake' from your yard then you lose 50% on the spot! I'm not saying you should be a porn star or do anything you're not comfortable with but at the same time you cannot lie there like a blow up doll! 

As a woman I know the importance of maintaining a perm and not messing up your weave (sweating it out is NEVER a good thing!) but seriously you have to get your priorities right otherwise another woman will straighten them out for you! I'm not justifying cheating but if you ain't cooking, keeping a clean house AND are then failing in the bedroom the reality is your man will soon find a 'friend' who comments on how skinny he's looking and how wrinkled his shirt is. This new 'friend' will then slyly make your man her priority and one day between preparing him a lunch of curry goat and rice and his dinner of jollof rice and assorted meat served with a side order of fried plantain his 'friend' will gladly remove her lace front before entering the bedroom! 

If your man is incredibly strong willed he will pack his puff puff and dumpling to go and leave the premises but that does not mean he won't start wondering if this is the life his mother raised him to live. I can assure you that from that moment your days are numbered!

The funny thing is, a guy will happily (ok maybe not happily exactly...) live with a woman who can't cook because he can always go to his mother's house for Sunday dinner and get a week's supply of food but a woman who can't give him the 'Sex Weed' is pointless! There is just no excuse for making your man feel like he's right hand can do the same job as you - period! Men also like moves in the bedroom so ladies there is no excuse for weak performances, get your 'T-shirt and Panties', play a 'Lovegame' and show him that 'Nobody' can do it like you!

And all that punishing him with the refusal to put out (all women are guilty of this at one point or another!) just remember that unless your 'Love is the Shhh' to begin with, you've just given him an excuse to go find a woman that loves his big 'Ego' and will feel no way in showing him how she 'Ride It' on clean sheets after a three course meal!

Not Rude, Honest.