Those who know me know that I love a good haircut and I have cut my hair on several occasions, both DIY and professionally. Since being natural, I've always had my hair straightened before getting it cut but this time I decided I was going to do something different. In essence I wanted a second big chop but as I don't have the cojones to rock an Amber Rose, I decided I would go for something slightly longer but just as stylish.
I wish I was that brave.
So there I was looking for a good hairdresser who could cut natural hair in its natural state and I soon learned something: the prices were discriminatory. I searched in both the UK and the USA and learned one thing: hairdressers that cater to black hair sometimes charge three times as much to cut natural hair as they do to cut straight/relaxed hair!
At first I was sure I was doing something wrong, surely an Afro hairdresser wouldn't charge more to cut my hair just because it was in its natural state, that would be ridiculous right? Wrong! Every single price list I looked up online and quote I called in to obtain showed a huge discrepancy in price. In some instances I even found that getting my hair washed, straightened and cut would be cheaper than a wash and cut on natural hair!
The salon/hairdresser/hair shop has historically been somewhat of a sanctuary for black women, a place where we go knowing that there's an unspoken solidarity, that this was the only locale that could 'handle' our hair and that the fact that you were here meant that regardless of shade, you were black.
Black salon culture depicted in "How To Get Away With Murder"
It's bad enough that as black women we face discrimination in EVERY instance from other ethnicities and that within our own ethnicity we deal with colourism, but to walk into an Afro salon and be told that they are unable to dress natural hair or that you have to pay two to three times as much unless you opt for a form of straightening procedure is simply unacceptable! Every hairdresser/stylist in an Afro hair salon should know how to dress natural hair, treatments like relaxers and dyes are optional, what grows out of our scalp is not, that should be their basic hair dressing skills.
Naysayers will say I'm over reacting or that it's not that big a deal but it is a big deal when someone with a silkier texture or a looser curl pattern isn't required to straighten their hair before getting it cut, or when said customer is not required to pay a 'it's too kinky' charge! #ThatIsAll #RantOver
I have always thought that being unable to leave your house without make-up was ridiculous but I find the #NoMakeUp Movement even more ridiculous!
Why must everything these days be a damn movement?! Wear make-up or don't, what's the big deal? By shaming women who wear make-up aren't you causing the same low self-esteem and division you are fighting against?
Is this really necessary?!
I have mentioned in a previous post that I'm not a make-up person (Side bar: I have recently become obsessed with lipsticks and now have an impressive collection if I do say so myself! I might even do a post on it lol.), other than the fact that I prefer a fresh face to a 'beat' face, I'm too lazy to create the time to apply and remove make-up every day so I stick to the occasional wear. Having said that, I am aware that I have the luxury of being lazy because I'm lucky enough to have clear skin. Cue Alicia Keys.
I'm sure that those of us who are old enough to know the 'pre-home wrecking' Alicia Keys (yeah I said it!) will remember that Ms Keys had really troublesome skin and that make-up didn't do much to cover up her frequent break-outs. This didn't stop us from buying her music or being fans, in fact we couldn't get enough of her and her canerows (cornrows for my Americans)!
Circa 2002
So flash forward a decade or so, Alicia Keys decides to ANNOUNCE that she will no longer be wearing make-up. I found it mildly irritating. I mean, who cares? Do you. Why not just step out with no make-up, why the announcement? But you know, celebrities do as celebrities do. THEN this whole #NoMakeUp nonsense started to circulate and people were being accused of hating themselves because they wore make-up. Now I was really irritated.
There are women that have deep rooted insecurities and use make-up to mask that, but to accuse all women of having this issue? C'mon son!
In the words of Tami Roman (Instagram: @officialbonnetchronicles):
"My truth, I need some motherfucking lipgloss. When I go out my house I bring my got-damn lipgloss ...because I know my lips are always motherfucking dry! I need it and some of y'all need some shit too!"
I luh me some Tami!
She uses some very decorative language but she's right, some people need make-up/cosmetics. Not everyone has the luxury of going au naturel, some people need to cover what they deem to be imperfections. Would you condemn people for using deodorant just because 'powder fresh' isn't their natural scent? I didn't think so.
And this is the issue I have with Alicia's announcement. She states that part of the reason for her new make-up free approach is that she has now learned to love herself and that her wearing make-up was her not embracing herself, but how much embracing did she have to do when she has gotten rid of the imperfections that make-up helped her cover? Her skin is now smooth and even, her eyebrows and lashes look like they've had a year's worth of castor oil treatment and she is now a married woman which means she has the attention of the only man she should be concerned with, if those aren't confidence boosters I don't know what are.
2016
Let me be clear, Alicia has every right to wear or not wear make-up but implying that make-up's sole purpose was to cover up insecurities is unfair to the countless women who are drunk in love with themselves but prefer to use concealer to look awake in the morning or foundation to even out their skin tone.
This is what a little concealer can do
It's really tiring to go on social media and see women bashing each other for their choice of style, it's bad enough that men are calling women 'decepticons' (Google it! Lol!) but to see a woman with a similar struggle and a padded bra joining in is really emotionally draining. Don't get me wrong, some women do need new friends and a cochlear implant so that they can get some sound advice but in general, everyone is just trying to get by so why not leave them to it? Why create a movement that will only further divide women?
This is where real friends step in.
My cynical side believes that this is all a PR stunt and that the announcement was a way for Alicia Keys to re-introduce herself in the hopes that we will all forget that she is a home wrecking heifer the part she played in the dissolution of Swizz Beatz and Mashonda's marriage.
Make-up or no make-up, self love should be everyone's goal and how each person chooses to display that should be nobody else's business. Let a sistah live!
As I write this post my heart is heavy. I have been feeling a mixture of hurt and rage for the past few hours and I'm still unsure when I will remember to feel anything else. This post may fluctuate in tone as I write it, please bear with me. Also, the videos in this post are quite graphic so view with caution.
As I'm sure you have all heard and seen by now, Alton Sterling was executed by police officers in Baton Rouge, Louisiana on the 5th of July 2016. As we (the public) were trying to decipher the details surrounding the event and processing the reckless way in which his life was taken, news of Philando Castile's murder in Falcon Heights, Minnesota, again, by a trigger happy police officer on the 6th of July 2016, began to spread. Philando, who was pulled over for a broken tail light, was shot in front of his girlfriend and 4 year old daughter.
Rest in peace Philando Castile & Alton Sterling
In all of this, the National Rifle Association of America (NRA) who typically would have been all over this case due to the unlawful shooting of a man who is licensed to carry a firearm, are nowhere to be found. Why you ask? Well it's pretty obvious, Philando Castile is black and "gun ownership is largely built on white identity".
I usually steer clear of social media when world events happen because I find the trolls and ignoramuses very draining but today I needed the comfort of knowing that I wasn't alone in my grief. I can't tell you what it was about Alton Sterling's murder that hit me more than the countless others but whatever it was cut deeper than any event before. Although the video is graphic, I am not new to blood and death and therefore not as affected by those aspects as your average Joe might be.
What did affect me could be the fact that as soon as I saw the police in that video clip I knew Alton was going to die. Or the fact that they treated him so aggressively before the shooting. Or maybe it was the ease with which the police officers removed their guns from their holsters and placed them directly on Alton's chest. Or the fact that poor Alton who was pressed down by the weight of two police officers was expected to lay completely still after just having the wind knocked out of him. Or it could have been that as a black woman I know that Alton was fully aware of what a perilous situation he was in and therefore probably only shifted slightly because it was absolutely necessary to free up his airway. Or the fact that the officers who had the guns held at point blank range on Alton's chest felt that one bullet through a vital organ in his chest cavity wasn't enough and therefore felt the need to fire 5-6 shots in order to 'feel safe'.
That's definitely it. The fact that, for the first time, I realised that these officers are actually SCARED. They see a black man and feel FEAR, so much so that they shoot first. They are not scared of other white people, which is why they have the patience and diligence to talk down a white person brandishing a weapon, but when faced with a black person armed or unarmed, these police officers who have gone through rigorous training (an assumption on my part) become cowards and shoot. I wasn't prepared for that. I wasn't prepared to SEE that. That's when I got mad.
How DARE you be a coward and swear to protect others? How DARE you not just piss your pants like other scared people and instead, handle a weapon? How DARE you use your fear as an excuse to kill another human? How DARE you kill someone in cold blood and make excuses? How DARE you be rewarded with freedom by the judicial system for your cowardice? How bloody DARE you?!
So here I sit, trying to understand why after so many years it seems we haven't made enough progress to protect our lives, when a video of police brutality against black youths in the UK begins to circulate on Twitter. The responses added to my rage. Many white British people said things along the lines of "Nobody died though" and "British police aren't racist like the Americans". And herein lies the problem. That false sense of security that people keep using to excuse injustice against black people. Why must we (black people) DIE before you recognise that our lives, our very existence is being treated with so much disregard! Why do you feel that a black boy held down by 4 police officers and being repeatedly kneed in the stomach is ok as long as he isn't shot?
These are the questions I posed to one such tweeter:
White British Man: Did they murder him in front of his daughter? No. (in justification to the video in question)
Me: You need to see death before you recognise racism? You're part of the problem.
WBM: Hey, did I say it was ok? No it's disgusting, but none of those officers behaved like the American officers
Me: Do you see any respect for these men's wellbeing in that video? Making excuses is part of the problem. As a black person let me tell you that the only difference in the way we are treated by the police is the presence of guns.
(Fast forward a few tweets)
WBM: Hmmm, you're right but I still don't think the British police are as bad as the Americans, it's not really a thing here.
Me: If you don't think it's a 'thing', we (UK) are very good at disguising it. It's defo a 'thing' in my (Black British) community.
WBM: I've never seen it.
Do you see the problem here? I, a black woman, is telling a white man that these videos of the conduct of police officers in the US is only one step removed from the conduct of police officers in England and a white man who has no experience on the matter at hand is telling me British police are better? How? Based on his white privileged experiences. Does that even make sense? Why is it so hard for some white people to understand that if everybody was being treated the way black people are, then racism wouldn't exist and that since it does, white people can never be victims of it and therefore cannot compare their personal experiences to that of a black person?
Let me enlighten you real quick:
* The ONLY reason America APPEARS worse than England is because most police officers in England don't carry guns, this is about to change. * Being 'better' than the US is not enough, this is not a competition of who can treat black people worse. Racism is racism.
* The ATTITUDE towards black people is the same and maybe even worse! In the US, African Americans are seen as 'less-than' but they are a part of America; in England black people are ALL seen as immigrants (regardless of nationality) and therefore not only are black people seen as 'less-than' but they are also expected to "f**k off and go back to your country" making their rights in England even more fragile e.g. British citizens who are convicted of a crime are being stripped of their nationality and being deported to the countries their parents originated from (which they themselves may have never visited in their lives) after paying their debt to society in prison. Why? You're black so you're never really British.
* Despite the fact that most British police officers do not carry guns, there is an astounding number of deaths in police custody.
* Black British communities are just as fearful of the police as African American communities.
* In my personal experience, police officers in England are very systematic about removing mobile phones from situations where things might get ugly.
* White people who are not exposed to this environment are blissfully unaware of the conduct of police officers.
* Just because most white people haven't experienced police brutality does not negate its existence. Such is the nature of systematic racism, it doesn't affect white people.
* When black people are telling you what they face every day, LISTEN!
* There is nothing worse than people who pretend they don't know racism exists.
* If you are making excuses for any act labelled racist by a victim of racism, YOU are part of the problem.
* If you are justifying the murders of black people at the hands of the police, YOU too do not value black lives making you a racist.
* If you don't understand why a police officer killing a black person is not equivalent to/justified by black on black crime then YOU too are part of the problem.
* The information about the treatment of black people in England at the hands of the police doesn't get on the national news until there's a riot e.g. 2011 London Riots.
* The numbers of deaths at the hands of police officers may be less in England but there are also fewer black people in England (3.5%) than there are in the US (12.6%).
* Although the deaths of black people at the hands of police officers in America has only recently gained worldwide attention, they have been happening for many, many years.
I am so sick and tired of seeing all these excuses made for police officers who endanger black people! If protecting themselves is more important to them than protecting the communities they serve then being a police officer is the wrong career path for them. If you agree that #BlackLivesMatter then you should be against the actions of murderous and racist police officers. Period.
I do pray that I see a change but if truth be told, I feel helpless. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of black people being reduced to a hashtag. I'm tired of statements made by the likes of Malcom X and Mohammed Ali in the 1950's still being relevant today. I'm tired of the statistics indicating that black people are dying at the same rate in 2016 as they were when slavery was legal. I'm tired of having a target on my back because of my skin colour. I'm tired of people that look like me being killed for no reason. I'm just so tired...
As you all must know by now, I'm a HUGE 90's music fan and although the musical draught I've been feeling since 2004 seems to be coming to an end and I'm finally starting to enjoy 'newbies' music (any artist/song after 2002/3), the 90's will always have my heart.
A while ago I wrote a post about my favourite artists promising to follow up with my favourite bands (all from the 90's and late 80's of course!). Well here is my promise fulfilled (albeit nearly 3 years later!).
A time before internet and social media detectives *side eye*, watching music videos to learn song lyrics and choreographies was one of the most enjoyable childhood activities to partake in. Musician's gained fans by how amazing their videos were and they did not disappoint. I know that in this day and age, where HD videos can be produced on your phone, these videos may appear to be poor quality but understand that in the 90's these were simply AMAZING! Standing on a ceiling? Whoa?! I am a HUGE Spice Girls fan and the high kick in this video embedded 'Say You'll Be There' into my heart.
The kids (people born in the late 90's and later) probably don't know that Justin Timberlake was part of a great band called N*Sync but my bestie and I have reenacted their songs and choreographies many a time over the years during our girls night ins; 'Bye Bye Bye' is definitely our party trick! Lol!
Although the Spice Girls have the number 1 spot in my heart, at 1.01 there is Destiny's Child. I've loved DC through their band member changes (I recently had to give my not so little brother a history lesson on DC since he didn't know there were originally 4 members) but this video will always be my favourite. LaToya's face + Kelly's hair + LaTavia's attitude + Beyoncé's ad-libs = Destity's Child perfection!
You can't discuss 90's choreography without including Dru Hill, they gave swag a whole new meaning! As this is a soundtrack video it's definitely not their best but I absolutely love 'How Deep Is Your Love For Me'.
Backstreet Boys were already mega famous but when they released 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)' it became a children's party anthem.
We can't talk about girl bands without mentioning the most iconic of them all, TLC. They broke records with their talent and unconventional style. Also known for great choreography, this song in particular became a favourite worldwide - 'No Scrubs'. Rest in peace Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes ♥
Boyz II Men are synonymous with 'harmonies' and have some of the most beautiful voices I've heard to date. To say I had one favourite song would be lying but here's their most popular song, 'I'll Make Love To You'.
Before Kandi Burruss went on to become a 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' star and to write hit songs (she wrote Destiny's Child 'Bills Bills Bills' and co-wrote 'No Scrubs' with band member Tiny who is now also a reality TV star), Kandi was a member of a group called Xscape and although the song 'You're My Little Secret' is trifling as hell, I love it!
Jagged Edge have a great discography but I think everyone will agree that 'Walked Outta Heaven' is R&B gold.
The band Jodeci produced one of the greatest R&B duo's of all time (K-Ci & Jojo for the children in the room) and their song 'All My Life' is an all time wedding favourite.
'Weak' is probably the song that comes to mind when SWV comes up however, 'Can We (Get Freaky Tonight)' featuring Missy Elliott is by far my SWV favourite.
There are no words to express the impact 'Killing Me Softly' by The Fugees had on the summer of '96, you just had to be there.
So there you have it, some of the best bands and songs to grace the Earth. Can you guys tell that I'm greatly missing the days of R&B? Lol! Also, did you notice that all these songs have some seriously 'grown' lyrics? At the time I sang along blissfully unaware of the real meaning behind these songs.
The 90's seem to be making a comeback in both fashion and music but it will never be the same; it's a good thing, some things are better experienced only once.
Some of you will already know from my previous blog that I decided to start transitioning from relaxed (chemically straightened) hair to natural hair; my last relaxer was in October 2010. I decided not to do the big chop (cut off all my hair and wait for it to grow back) because frankly, I was scared I wouldn't be able to carry off the look. Instead I cut off 4 inches of hair for every 2 inches of growth (I was too lazy to stick to the original 1inch plan) and since my hair grows pretty quickly, I had cut off all my relaxed hair by August of 2011. This post is just an update on my journey, my current regimen and useful sources of information that have helped me along the way. I will write a separate post to highlight the products I use.
The Journey
As I stated before "I'm not entirely sure why I decided to go natural, my hair wasn't breaking and I wasn't trying to make a statement (none of that afro centric stuff!), I guess I was just tired of depending on my perm."so I didn't have a goal when going natural. My hair has always been an instrument to looking good so I guess my only aim was to look good with natural hair. It did not work out that way.
I loved my hair and the new texture and curls that had replaced my previously silky straight strands BUT I didn't feel like I looked good. Before y'all jump into a lecture about black women hating themselves and wanting to look white *rolls eyes* let me just state that that is simply not the case. I have never liked big hair on me any more than I have liked heavy make up or knee length skirts, it's not a race thing, I just don't like it. Whether it be thick layers of Beyoncé style weave or too many flicks and curls, I just can't deal! Believe me, I've tried!
I am simply not comfortable with big hair so you can just imagine how I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror every day and a huge afro stared back at me. I did the only thing I could do without reaching for the creamy crack (relaxer), I got a weave. For three months I got weave after weave and refused to face my new hair but it was a very short term solution. I hate weaves too. They itch, they make my head sore and the feel of hair that isn't mine on my face and neck was just too much for me to bear! I was stuck between a rock and a hard place - weave or afro? I chose my afro. I hate big hair but I hate weaves more!
Luckily by this point my hair was long enough to go into a comfortable bun with neatly slicked sides. On bad days when my hair refused to co-operate I would do a puff but I felt very self conscious and uncomfortable. I tried braid/twist outs but to date (August 2014) I am yet to have a successful one. It took me a while to understand that hair had to be treated right to maintain its health, as a permed chick I always had a hairdresser deal with those technicalities but it became my responsibility and boy did I make many mistakes!
Mistake #1: Avoiding water - I grew up, like most black girls, believing water was bad for your hair. As a natural I avoided water because of the shrinkage, I lose 50%-75% of my hair length when my hair is wet so in order to avoid a tangled mess I avoided water. Now I know better and dampen my hair at least once every two days.
My relationship with water explained in a picture lol
Mistake #2: Heat - I have had to cut my hair on two occasions as a result of heat damage. I used to blow-dry my hair straight after every wash when I first went natural (habit from my relaxed days) which meant I had to cut off nearly 7 inches at the end of 2012. Not realizing it was the heat that gave me those hideous ends I continued my blow drying method, albeit less frequently, so by May 2013 I had to cut off another 5 inches. By this time I had started following a few natural haired ladies and realized that heat was a no no so I went a year (May 2013 to May 2014) without any heat and the results were awesome. I did a 3 inch trim in June 2014 as a result of split ends (residual from the head damage I assume) and now my hair looks and feels great.
Heat styling tools - these were my best friends *covers face*
Mistake #3: Believing my hair couldn't be soft - I don't know where I got this idea from but I guess I just assumed that only people with relaxed hair or silkier textures had soft hair. Since learning how to properly maintain hair moisture my hair has felt heavenly! Probably the best thing I've learned since going natural, if my hair is not soft it's definitely moisture deprived.
Type 'soft hair' in Google images. No comment.
Mistake #4: Laziness - As I said earlier, my hairdresser dealt with protein/moisture balances and hair maintenance, all I had to do was show up and pay! Going natural made all that my responsibility and boy was I lazy! I often went to bed with no headscarf/bonnet, ignored moisturising, all the while complaining about dryness and once my Senegalese twists were in, my hair was ignored for 5-6 weeks at a time! *covers face* All this resulted in so much 'repair' work that I just had to change my ways and schedule hair maintenance days (I have a busy life and wash day takes forever) to ensure things never got too bad. I'm much better but I still have a lot to learn.
There is a myth that natural hair = healthy hair and this is NOT TRUE! I learned that the hard way :( By 2013 I had accepted that my minimalist approach to hair wasn't doing me any favours and that if I wanted to look good with natural hair I would have to actually put effort into it. I had seen some Youtubers say they washed their hair 3 times a week and each wash took them 9 hours! That was NEVER going to be me! I have a life and a career and one day I will also have kids, no way was I going to get into a habit of spending 27 hours a week on hair washing alone! I decided to learn what was essential and try to squeeze it all into a once a week routine. Based on the knowledge I obtained I built up my current regimen and I am happy with it. Wash Day Regimen
Pre-poo: Apply coconut oil and detangle the night before. Cover with shower cap and satin bonnet then go to bed
Rinse out coconut oil and co-wash
Apply deep conditioner, cover with shower cap and towel, leave in for 45-90 minutes (on a really lazy day I leave it in for up to 3 hours! *covers face*)
Rinse out deep conditioner. Blot out excess water with a t-shirt and apply leave-in conditioner
Allow to air dry till hair is no longer wet, but still damp and use LOC (Liquid, Oil, Cream) method
Style and/or air dry
Once a month I also shampoo with a sulfate free shampoo. I have previously tried Apple Cider Vinegar rinses but I didn't notice any benefits. Upon further research I discovered that since I have low porosity hair, ACV isn't optimal for my hair's moisture absorption so I just cut it out all together (I didn't need asking twice! Lol!).
I still get lazy but I try to ensure I wash my hair at least once in 10 days and I now know when my hair needs attention. I haven't perfected the art of "listening to your hair" but by keeping this regimen my hair has definitely become more manageable and there's less fighting before getting it into a neat bun. Hair Details
Using several sources I was able to determine some characteristics to my hair :
Hair Type: 4B/C - The front and crown of my head is 4B while the back and sides are 4C. This makes it a nightmare when using products and probably why twist/braid outs never look quite right.
Hair Porosity: Low - This makes it a nightmare to absorb moisture and product build up is a constant battle. I deep condition with body heat to increase absorption.
Hair Density: Medium - I have to go easy on hair butters otherwise I end up with limp & lifeless hair.
Hair Width: Medium/Coarse - This is great because I'm not affected by breakage, my strands are quite resistant.
Current Hair Length: Between shoulder and armpit length - I've never been big on hair length (more hair, more problems) but I have set myself a goal to become bra strap length by August 2015, I'll keep you updated.
Hair Length Chart
With assistance from my lil bro - nearly armpit length (June 2014)
Understanding my hair properties made wash day, styling and buying products much easier. Even if the Youtuber's hair LOOKS like yours, something as small as a difference in porosity will mean you don't get the same results as her with products and/or styles.
Texture shots - 4B/C right? The shrinkage is crazy!
Natural hair is a lot of work compared to relaxed hair and I still have A LOT of bad hair days. I don't know if I will ever go back to relaxers but for now I'm happy to keep experimenting with my natural hair. Below are a list of some of my favourite Youtube channels and blogs, hopefully you'll find them as helpful as I did.
I've personally never considered myself a feminist however, I have recently been labeled as one by men who's opinions, although I'm a
little skeptical of them, I do respect.
When I think of a feminist I always think of a woman who doesn't want
doors opened for her, who has 'Girl Power!' and 'Ms Independent' tattooed to her forehead and who forcibly suppresses her physiological
'womaness' just so she can compete with men. I am definitely not that
woman but since more than one person has said the same thing I thought I should look into it.
"Feminist - A person who advocates the social, political, legal and economic rights of women equal to those of men." Dictionary.com
Based on this definition I am not a feminist. Other than the fact that I do not advocate any of the above, I was
raised in the traditional "a man is the head of the household" way
and I have had no issues with it; I have always seen the dynamic work
with mutual respect from both spouses, never have I witnessed the wife being
treated as 'less than' for being a woman. I have also always seen it as a
dynamic of choice and not one that was forcibly imposed (joys of being raised
in the western world). Truth be told, I've enjoyed having the men in my life carry the heavy bags and sort out all things technical, from TVs to computers!
All that changed when I worked in the Middle East.
I have always known that Arab traditions didn't allow women a lot of freedom
but to be treated as substandard due to my gender (and in my case, my colour
too) was a huge culture shock!
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer and
feminist featured in Beyoncé's track 'Flawless', gave a very insightful speech
at the 2012 TEDx talk.
The experiences she described were very familiar as I
had experienced them myself while in the Middle East but still, I feel uneasy characterizing myself
as a feminist. It's ludicrous that a male and female carrying out the same job role are paid differently and that a person be treated as a ghost just because they happen to be female but, calling myself a feminist somehow
makes me feel as though gender equality is where my passion lies. In reality what I'm passionate about is freedom and equality,
not just between sexes but between races, cultures and religions.
I believe in freedom. The freedom to do as one pleases without the fear of judgment or condemnation.In many parts of the world there are women who are unable to do as they please simply because they are female. In Saudi Arabia it is illegal for women to drive and more recently in Nigeria girls were robbed of their right to an education by those who feel females shouldn't go to school (#BringBackOurGirls campaignis still ongoing).
The level of freedom I believe in means that if a woman wants to
be treated as 'less than' by her husband, who am I to tell her that it's
injustice? Why should a successful or opinionated woman automatically translate
into a woman who isn't fit for companionship instead of a woman who simply has
drive, is hard working and challenges ideas? Why should I assume a female
stripper is being used by men, why not consider the possibility that maybe she
just decided she wanted to be the object of male admiration? Freedom is about
being able to live your life by your rules and yes, those rules may offend
others.
Chimamanda's speech has definitely highlighted things that need to
change in our society, especially in the way we raise our boys, but for me it's more about mutual respect and acceptance
of others than gender inequality. If we accept that everyone is free to make
their own life choices and that it is not our place to impose our personal
beliefs on others, equality between genders will surely be a result of that. We should all be fighting for everyone to have the same rights simply because they are human beings and all types of discrimination should be eradicated.
The jury is still out on whether I can officially wear the badge of feminism without feeling like a hypocrite but unlike others, I don't see it as a negative term. If feminism will give all women around the world the freedom of choice that I take for granted daily then it is definitely a positive movement.
The #BringBackOurGirls campaign has taken over social media yet many people still don't know what is actually going on, so I'll give you a quick break down.
On the 15th of April 2014 nearly 280 (number varies by report) school girls were kidnapped from the Chibok Government Secondary School in Nigeria by a terrorist group known as Boko Haram. I refuse to give terrorists any kind of coverage so you can Google it if you like but this campaign isn't about them, it's about 280 missing girls and their families.
As people we often tend to turn a blind eye to things that don't occur at our doorstep, forgetting that the reason it doesn't occur there is because of campaigns like this. By tackling issues like this with unity and intolerance we prevent it becoming acceptable and therefore, in the long run, making the world a safer place.
Don't misunderstand me, the world is full of evil and some things simply cannot be prevented however, as the famous saying goes, "You can't stop what happens to you but you can choose how you react to them". I'm not even going to get into the muddy puddle that is Nigerian politics or comment on any of the many conspiracy theories, all I am going to say is that today is the 4th of June and girls are still missing.
I'm not a huge fan of social media as I feel it has greatly diminished the levels of privacy (yes I have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! :-P) however, at a time like this I am grateful that I live in an era where civilians can have a say in the way things are dealt with by 'the powers that be'. Without it, this situation and its outcome may have never been as widely reported. As a result of the worldwide coverage that this situation is getting, the Nigerian government has had no choice but to deal with it (I use the term loosely) instead of turning a blind eye or sweeping it under the rug.
Personally all I care about is the return of those girls. I, like all of you, have females in my family that I hold very dear, I can't imagine what their families have been going through these past few weeks.
Nigeria, it's been too long! #BringBackOurGirls
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