Why Did I Get Married?

The world has been buzzing with the news that basketballer Kobe Bryant's divorce from Vanessa Bryan cost him an estimated $150 million.

Many people felt this was an unfair settlement and some, like sissy rapper Drake, made their opinion known.  Within his verse on Rick Ross' 'Stay Schemin' track Drake states "Kobe about to lose a hundred fifty M's, Kobe my n***a I hated it had to be him. B***h you wasn't with me shooting in the gym". On the other hand, many females flooded Twitter with indignation stating that although Vanessa wasn't with Kobe 'shooting in the gym', she was at home holding down the fort, cooking his meals, washing his clothes and looking after his children.

                

                    B***h you wasn't with me shooting in the gym

That's coz I was at home cooking, cleaning
& looking after yo kids!

Outrageous divorce settlements are more or less the norm in the world of celebrities but as per usual the question is: Is the person who doesn't directly earn the money entitled to leave the marriage with half (sometimes more!) of what their spouse has earned?

The financial losses associated with divorce have caused people to opt for prenuptial agreements but many people feel that a pre-nup is a sign that the person requesting it doesn't believe the marriage will last or that there is a financial motive to the nuptials. Personally I don't have anything against pre-nups, I feel they are exactly the same as a marriage certificate. 

Before ya'll begin to stone me let me explain. As a Christian I believe marriage between a man and a woman is sacred, there are many passages in the Bible to support this, however, nowhere in the Bible is a marriage certificate mentioned. A marriage certificate is a proof of matrimony and is only really needed in order to divide assets in case of divorce or death of a spouse. So how does this differ from a pre-nup which also is only valid at the point of divorce? The way I see it, if you have a problem with pre-nups you should also be against marriage certificates as they are both legal documents providing some kind of financial guarantee at the point of divorce.

I've heard many people argue that they want to get married because it is the will of God and my response to them is always the same - get married in your religious establishment but don't sign a marriage certificate! I can only speak for the Bible but I have never heard of any religious book stating the need for a marriage certificate therefore, if you are getting married for religious reasons and the security of leaving the marriage with money being married in the eyes of the law isn't your concern, you should happily avoid signing any contracts. No? I didn't think so! *side eye*

It's not what it looks like honey, we were just planking!

Now, you've signed your life away to a spouse and what you hoped was going to last till death did you part only lasted till the cheating swine your partner got their breath back from their adulterous session, do they owe you half of what they own?

My personal opinion on this matter varies from day to day. Contrary to common belief, in cases where 'marital unfaithfulness' has occured, the Bible does teach that divorce is possible although not advisable.

Matthew 19:9 - I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery. 

Most days I feel like splitting assets down the middle is the fair thing to do and that its part of the risk you take when getting married. On other days I think it depends on how you came into the marriage, after all, all the two become one stuff is from a religious angle not a legal one. I think that whoever keeps the kids for the majority of the time should get the house and they should also get enough money to maintain the life to which they have been accustomed to. I do feel its somewhat unfair that someone who is broke not financially successful upon entering the marriage leaves it a millionaire, I mean come on, even if Vanessa had been working throughout her marriage would she have made $150M? Very unlikely.

My usual standpoint on break ups is, since I didn't set the terms to ya'll getting together, I cannot comment on the terms of your break up. Would I personally ask for or agree to a pre-nup? I'm 70/30 on 'no' for now but who knows!

Live, love and laugh people, that's what life is all about!

Salaam alaikum vs Jesus loves you

***Post specific disclaimer: I have nothing against Muslims or Christians and my family has members of both religions, this post is specific ONLY to the people who, in my opinion, are not taking religion seriously. Thank you.***

A few years ago, circa 2005, there was a trend in and around London where every Tom, Dick, Harry, John and Fred decided they had to become Muslim. I call it 'The Era of the Trophy Muslims". This trend meant that everywhere you went there were people, especially guys, who would be shouting "Salaam alaikum" ('Peace be upon you' in Arabic) across the street at each other to let everyone else who couldn't tell from the trousers tucked in their socks, the beads hanging from their necks and the 'muslim scarf' (a black and white scarf that has no relation to Islam whatsoever!) that they were Muslim! *rolls eyes*

These individuals would then use their religion as an excuse to form cliques (that could have arguably been called gangs considering the activities they took part in!) and went around forcing people to convert (sometimes at gun point!). It was clear that these individuals obviously did not take the religion very seriously, probably only stepped into a mosque once and once I even witnessed a girl remove her burqa (the garment that covers Muslim women from head to toe) and niqab (the veil that covers a Muslim woman's face) to have lunch during ramadan! (John Ruskin College alumni 05/06 please testify!)

So the trend, like most, died out and a new one seems to have now taken over. I call this "The Era of the Leisure Centre Christians". For the past few years, starting circa 2009, being Muslim has no longer been 'cool' so the new religion of choice became Christianity. Now I don't mean people who just convert and decide to join a church, I'm talking about the ones who use the 'Born Again' route to becoming 'cool'. These people, like the Trophy Muslims before them, ensured everyone knew they were 'saved' by screaming "Jesus loves you my brother/sister" in greeting to their fellow 'saved' Christians across the street in case anyone missed the rosary around their neck and the Bible and dutiful notebook in their hand, form cliques and ostracise anyone who isn't also born again because they believe that they will be tainted by association. As a result of this, they decide to cut off all old friends that refuse to become 'saved' and after going to what seems like a maximum of three Bible studies they suddenly believe they are better than everyone and can go around judging people! 

Who died and made you God? Did you miss a whole chunk of the Bible while memorizing quotes and bypass the part that said there is only one God, Christians are not to judge others and Jesus allowed prostitutes in his presence? Getting baptised by being dipped in a pool at your local leisure centre (hence the name I gave them!) does not make you holy and it surely doesn't give you a free pass to Heaven!

The thing that annoys me about these Trophy Muslims and Leisure Centre Christians is that, because of the loud way in which they go about their business, they are unfortunately representing the religions and doing so very erroneously. Nobody is perfect and all religious people strive to live a good life in order to get to the promised land so when these fools go around giving the seriously religious people a bad name, they are causing others to not take the beliefs seriously! You should not be proving your holiness to anyone but the Creator so why are people stunting with it like it's a Blackberry? You got Trophy Muslims bombing and leading gangs and Leisure Centre Christians thinking that they are better that everyone while f**cking at the back of the church! I mean, do you not fear God?

Just to ensure there is no confusion, I am not saying ALL Muslims or ALL Christians/Born Again behave like this, I am addressing the few that do and I pray that God forgives you for making a mockery of something that is very serious.

Not Rude, Honest...

The Cycle

I was speaking to my 15 year old cousin the other day and it broke my heart that she didn’t believe in relationships! In her words: The guy does everything to get you - he calls every day, spends time with you, does everything you like for you and complements you – then you get together and the sweetness lasts until he knows you really like him. After that he starts acting up and you break up with him. He realizes you’re about to leave forever and he starts all his sweetness again. Because you love/like him so much you go back and then the cycle continues.

I have heard this view from many women and the sad reality is that this account is very accurate for most 21^st century relationships. Sadly I have to confess that my past relationship may have had something to do with my Little Rock’s view and she has now sworn not to be a victim to ‘The Cycle’ as it is ‘not her portion’!

I am by no means an expert in relationships since I was with the same person for years but from what I have seen happening around me the main problem seems to be this simple quote:

“I wanted him to be more that he was and he wanted me to be less than I am...” (or vice versa of course!)

Sometimes we see potential in a person that they don’t see in themselves and as a result we stick around hoping they will one day fulfil their potential, in the meantime we bring ourselves down to their level and work diligently to somehow make them see it. The reality is that very few people you will meet in this life who are not aware of their potential will ever realize it.

I believe in love. Regardless of the negativity around me I do believe that you can find that person who you can share your life with and your life will be better for it. The main problem I see is that the world has lied to us about love and that has lead to everyone losing focus and forgetting what love is supposed to look and be like. The biggest of these lies I think is “You have to fight for love!”

Love should never require a fight, it should be effortless and comforting not muscle building and soul draining!

So what I said to my Little Rock is “Go back to the basics. The Bible tells us what love looks like so follow that. If any one of these aspects is not fulfilled then it is not real love and you will be lead to ‘The Cycle’”

This passage has been made cheesy by its modern use but everything required for finding true love is right here. Instead of using it as a banner when you think you’ve found it, use it as a map that will lead you to it. 

Live, Love, Laugh...