'Talking White' and 'Average Black Girl'

First of all, there is no such thing as 'Talking White', 'white' is not a language.

The fact that stereotypical 'ghetto behaviour' is what many people associate with being black and that anyone who doesn't conform to this stereotype is seen as a sell out is simply disgusting. In the words of Nas:

"Before we came to this country

We were kings and queens, never porch monkeys!

There were empires in Africa called Kush

Timbuktu, where every race came to get books

To learn from black teachers who taught Greeks and Romans"

'I Can' from the 'God's Son' album

Even in history books (as modified as they may be) my ancestors were educated people. Black people as a whole have struggled for too many years and shed too much blood in order for us to be entitled to an education outside of the mother land; to have the European languages we have been educated in spoken incorrectly makes all their efforts seem futile. The funniest thing is that the people who accuse others of 'Talking White' are the same people who can't speak any language (African) that would allow them to 'Talk Black'! *rolls eyes*

Secondly, 'An average black girl'? What does that even mean? In an ethnicity with so many variations in shade, background and culture what does the 'average' look like?

I don't know what black women did to receive so much backlash from the world. Time and time again they have been the backbone and support system to changing history and to creating amazing men as both mothers and wives. Through all storms black women have stood firm, unwavering in their determination to make the next generation better, yet somehow, the people they have been so strong for have become the same people who have shown the most disdain for them. I'm not saying black women should be worshipped but definitely appreciated, if not by the whole world, at least by fellow black people.

I wish more black people would embrace the greatness and strength of our people instead of constantly trying to find a way to belittle and segregate one another. Can we just live?!

Not rude, honest...

Au Naturel Update (Journey & Regimen)

Oh how things have changed! LOL!

Illustration by Keturah Ariel
I love her work!

Some of you will already know from my previous blog that I decided to start transitioning from relaxed (chemically straightened) hair to natural hair; my last relaxer was in October 2010. I decided not to do the big chop (cut off all my hair and wait for it to grow back) because frankly, I was scared I wouldn't be able to carry off the look. Instead I cut off 4 inches of hair for every 2 inches of growth (I was too lazy to stick to the original 1inch plan) and since my hair grows pretty quickly, I had cut off all my relaxed hair by August of 2011. This post is just an update on my journey, my current regimen and useful sources of information that have helped me along the way. I will write a separate post to highlight the products I use.

The Journey

As I stated before "I'm not entirely sure why I decided to go natural, my hair wasn't breaking and I wasn't trying to make a statement (none of that afro centric stuff!), I guess I was just tired of depending on my perm." so I didn't have a goal when going natural. My hair has always been an instrument to looking good so I guess my only aim was to look good with natural hair. It did not work out that way.

I loved my hair and the new texture and curls that had replaced my previously silky straight strands BUT I didn't feel like I looked good. Before y'all jump into a lecture about black women hating themselves and wanting to look white *rolls eyes* let me just state that that is simply not the case. I have never liked big hair on me any more than I have liked heavy make up or knee length skirts,  it's not a race thing, I just don't like it. Whether it be thick layers of Beyoncé style weave or too many flicks and curls, I just can't deal! Believe me, I've tried!

I am simply not comfortable with big hair so you can just imagine how I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror every day and a huge afro stared back at me. I did the only thing I could do without reaching for the creamy crack (relaxer), I got a weave. For three months I  got weave after weave and refused to face my new hair but it was a very short term solution. I hate weaves too. They itch, they make my head sore and the feel of hair that isn't mine on my face and neck was just too much for me to bear! I was stuck between a rock and a hard place - weave or afro? I chose my afro. I hate big hair but I hate weaves more!

Luckily by this point my hair was long enough to go into a comfortable bun with neatly slicked sides. On bad days when my hair refused to co-operate I would do a puff but I felt very self conscious and uncomfortable. I tried braid/twist outs but to date (August 2014) I am yet to have a successful one.
It took me a while to understand that hair had to be treated right to maintain its health, as a permed chick I always had a hairdresser deal with those technicalities but it became my responsibility and boy did I make many mistakes!

Mistake #1: Avoiding water - I grew up, like most black girls, believing water was bad for your hair. As a natural I avoided water because of the shrinkage, I lose 50%-75% of my hair length when my hair is wet so in order to avoid a tangled mess I avoided water. Now I know better and dampen my hair at least once every two days.

My relationship with water explained
 in a picture lol

Mistake #2: Heat - I have had to cut my hair on two occasions as a result of heat damage. I used to blow-dry my hair straight after every wash when I first went natural (habit from my relaxed days) which meant I had to cut off nearly 7 inches at the end of 2012. Not realizing it was the heat that gave me those hideous ends I continued my blow drying method, albeit less frequently, so by May 2013 I had to cut off another 5 inches. By this time I had started following a few natural haired ladies and realized that heat was a no no so I went a year (May 2013 to May 2014) without any heat and the results were awesome. I did a 3 inch trim in June 2014 as a result of split ends (residual from the head damage I assume) and now my hair looks and feels great.

Heat styling tools - these were my best
friends *covers face*

Mistake #3: Believing my hair couldn't be soft - I don't know where I got this idea from but I guess I just assumed that only people with relaxed hair or silkier textures had soft hair. Since learning how to properly maintain hair moisture my hair has felt heavenly! Probably the best thing I've learned since going natural, if my hair is not soft it's definitely moisture deprived.

Type 'soft hair' in Google images.
No comment.

Mistake #4: Laziness - As I said earlier, my hairdresser dealt with protein/moisture balances and hair maintenance, all I had to do was show up and pay! Going natural made all that my responsibility and boy was I lazy! I often went to bed with no headscarf/bonnet, ignored moisturising, all the while complaining about dryness and once my Senegalese twists were in, my hair was ignored for 5-6 weeks at a time! *covers face* All this resulted in so much 'repair' work that I just had to change my ways and schedule hair maintenance days (I have a busy life and wash day takes forever) to ensure things never got too bad. I'm much better but I still have a lot to learn.

There is a myth that natural hair = healthy hair and this is NOT TRUE! I learned that the hard way :(

By 2013 I had accepted that my minimalist approach to hair wasn't doing me any favours and that if I wanted to look good with natural hair I would have to actually put effort into it. I had seen some Youtubers say they washed their hair 3 times a week and each wash took them 9 hours! That was NEVER going to be me! I have a life and a career and one day I will also have kids, no way was I going to get into a habit of spending 27 hours a week on hair washing alone!
I decided to learn what was essential and try to squeeze it all into a once a week routine. Based on the knowledge I obtained I built up my current regimen and I am happy with it. 

Wash Day Regimen

• Pre-poo: Apply coconut oil and detangle the night before. Cover with shower cap  and satin bonnet then go to bed

• Rinse out coconut oil and co-wash

• Apply deep conditioner, cover with shower cap and towel, leave in for 45-90 minutes (on a really lazy day I leave it in for up to 3 hours! *covers face*)

• Rinse out deep conditioner. Blot out excess water with a t-shirt and apply leave-in conditioner

• Allow to air dry till hair is no longer wet, but still damp and use LOC (Liquid, Oil, Cream) method

• Style and/or air dry

Once a month I also shampoo with a sulfate free shampoo. I have previously tried Apple Cider Vinegar rinses but I didn't notice any benefits. Upon further research I discovered that since I have low porosity hair, ACV isn't optimal for my hair's moisture absorption so I just cut it out all together (I didn't need asking twice! Lol!).

I still get lazy but I try to ensure I wash my hair at least once in 10 days and I now know when my hair needs attention. I haven't perfected the art of "listening to your hair" but by keeping this regimen my hair has definitely become more manageable and there's less fighting before getting it into a neat bun.
Hair Details

Using several sources I was able to determine some characteristics to my hair :

1. Hair Type: 4B/C - The front and crown of my head is 4B while the back and sides are 4C. This makes it a nightmare when using products and probably why twist/braid outs never look quite right.
2. Hair Porosity: Low - This makes it a nightmare to absorb moisture and product build up is a constant battle. I deep condition with body heat to increase absorption.
3. Hair Density: Medium - I have to go easy on hair butters otherwise I end up with limp  & lifeless hair.
4. Hair Width: Medium/Coarse - This is great because I'm not affected by breakage, my strands are quite resistant.
5. Current Hair Length: Between shoulder and armpit length - I've never been big on hair length (more hair, more problems) but I have set myself a goal to become bra strap length by August 2015, I'll keep you updated. 

Hair Length Chart

                           

                                         With assistance from my lil bro -
                                           nearly armpit length (June 2014)

Understanding my hair properties made wash day, styling and buying products much easier. Even if the Youtuber's hair LOOKS like yours, something as small as a difference in porosity will mean you don't get the same results as her with products and/or styles.

Texture shots - 4B/C right? 
The shrinkage is crazy!

Natural hair is a lot of work compared to relaxed hair and I still have A LOT of bad hair days. I don't know if I will ever go back to relaxers but for now I'm happy to keep experimenting with my natural hair. Below are a list of some of my favourite Youtube channels and blogs, hopefully you'll find them as helpful as I did.

Youtube 

SimplYounique - My favourite natural hair channel and her hair type is the closest to mine. She recently relaxed her hair so she may start focusing on the maintenance of relaxed hair. (UPDATE 19/08/2014: She has big chopped for the second time!)
KimmayTube - Good for understanding the science of hair
AfrikanHairGod - Great for styles and general hair maintenance
FusionofCultures - Great for DIY recipes
TheChicNatural - Has great styling tutorials

Blogs

http://www.curlynikki.com
http://www.naturallycurly.com
http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com
http://blackgirllonghair.com

More Keturah Ariel art
I'm at 2 but my goal is 3 by 2015 :)

Healthy hair is happy hair :)

London Riots

I'm sure you've probably all heard the craziness that started in London and that has now spread to other cities in the UK. 

Rioter on front page of newspaper

It all started when the police shot father of four Mark Duggan in Tottenham, North London while carrying out an arrest. The short version of events is that while the police were trying to arrest Mark a police officer was shot at. Believing the shot was fired by Mark, he was shot dead only to later find out that the bullet was fired by another officer and that Mark had been killed for nothing. Many black people have been reportedly killed by police officers whether while in custody or during an arrest and although there has been previous riots, very few of these officers were ever brought to justice.

R.I.P. Mark Duggan

With that background info it seems understandable that the community in Tottenham and other areas of London felt the need to protest in order to change the state of affairs HOWEVER what started off as making a point and sparking a change turned into a complete disgrace and disregard for others.

Tottenham, North London

The protest in Tottenham started off as a peaceful one, turned into a looting frenzy and ended up as straight up vandalism. Maybe because those in that area got away with taking merchandise from the local stores or just because it was seen as an excuse to carry out anti-social behaviour, whatever the reason, the youths in  other areas of London started rioting and looting in their neighbourhoods.

Clapham Junction

To be honest, at first I wasn't too bothered since it was chain stores such as T-Mobile and Footlocker being affected and it seemed like an opportunistic and harmless attempt at committing mass burglaries but THEN these youths started setting things on fire, attacking innocent by standers and damaging civilian property! As a result of all this craziness many stores have opted to stay closed to protect their products and their staff. 

I wasn't taking it very seriously, it seemed kind of surreal watching it on my TV screen, but while driving through areas in London and seeing first hand the damage that had been done I was furious! What sense does it make to damage your own neighbourhoods and attack properties of innocent people? I actually saw people breaking into stores and I was quite shocked at how animalistic and savage these people were. 

Rye Lane, Peckham

The more shocking part for me was also that many of these people were actually children! I'm talking kids under 13 being allowed to roam the streets unsupervised and therefore given the opportunity to partake in the rioting. I wrote a previous post on giving your children far too much freedom and privacy and this is a prime example of the point I was trying to make! There is no excuse for your child thinking it's ok to act like a criminal even if the consequences may not necessarily affect them (it's very unlikely that many people will be convicted because of the large number of people involved). Also, what kind of parent must you be for your child to think it's ok to bring stolen goods to your home?

Child getting arrested. SMH.

The other thing that I have to highlight is the inefficiency of the London Metropolitan Police. Their role is to protect the city yet from what I've seen on TV and witnessed first hand they are too scared to act and therefore are not effectively stopping the madness but rather waiting till the people involved are tired enough to go home. Cowardly much?

Woolwich

This begs the question, why send British soldiers to help bring order to another country and win a war if you can't maintain order in your own and are losing a war where your opponent is fighting with plastic bottles from a garbage bin?

Garbage Warriors

What also annoys me is the fact that everything is being blamed on poverty driven people. Don't get me wrong, none of these people can afford to live lavishly but they are looting in £100 trainers, organizing it on £300 phones and driving away in 2008 model cars! I'd say the drive was greed rather than poverty if you ask me!

Tracksuit: £150, Trainers: £80,
Looting: Priceless

As a city the damage is going to take a long time to be repaired, many people are going to be out of work, a VAT increase should be expected, tax payers that were busy working while fools were getting free merchandise are going to end up paying for the damage, people are going to get criminal records for silly reasons (I hear girls are looting weave from the hair shop!), those who are convicted will be used as an example and therefore receive heavy sentences and window companies are going to benefit the most since they will have their hands tied repairing store windows!

This used to be Footlocker in Brixton

On a personal level, it took me nearly 7miles to find a petrol station brave enough to stay open, all my local supermarkets have been shut down, police sirens can be heard constantly and socializing outside my home seems practically impossible since everything is closed and many routes have been blocked.

Curry's employee arrested

In all this madness some people have completely thrown caution to the wind and started stealing without hiding their identity. This particularly foolish young lady started looting in Curry's while still wearing her Curry's uniform! Stupid much?

Others started thinking of their families and were sure to bring home some rice for their mothers and Pampers for their kids!

Basmati thieves!

Thought of his kid while looting - Peckham

Some fools used their Blackberry to organize a looting session which obviously was later traced by the police. There are reasons why they keep you in school till you're at least 16...

It's sad that what started off as a good cause ended up as national vandalism and that people have been made homeless as a result of these mindless arson attacks. All we can do now is hope it stops and that the police have learned that if the justice system will not hold them accountable, the public will.

A street in Croydon

Not Rude, Honest.

No Homo

I've been having a bit of writer's block and as a result I have like seven half written posts that I couldn't find the words to complete, sad times *sighs*. Moving on...

A while ago a trend that I really don't understand begun. After every flattering sentence typed on a social network to a person of the same sex came...

Examples include:

"Man looks like he's been living in gym! No homo."

"Your swagger is on point still. No homo" 

"I heard you man shut down that rave last night! That's my G right there! No homo"

And girls got involved too:

"You look really nice in that dress. No homo lol!"

"I love Nicki Minaj! No homo!"

Now I don't know what led these individuals to believe that paying a person of the same sex a compliment is a sign of homosexuality or why they feel that by typing 'no homo' at the end of their sentence somehow purifies them of homosexual tendencies but I do know it gets on my damn nerves! Especially since guys are acting more feminine every day! Am I the only one that has noticed that men are becoming less manly? Let me give some examples:

Skinny Jeans - I don't care how trendy it is for a man to walk around in sprayed on bottoms, nothing strips a man of his manhood as quick as a pair of skinny jeans!

Handbags - I don't care what fancy macho name you males have given this in order to justify your actions or what celebrity you are using as a proof that your manhood is in tact, handbags were made for females! STOP IT! If it's not a backpack or a briefcase your manhood is questionable.

Threading/waxing of eyebrows - Yes I noticed! You guys have taken grooming too far with this one mate. And you have the cheek to type 'no homo'! Get outta here!

'Money Over B***hes' - Now I know ya'll think you're so cool by dropping this line but let me give you a short journey into a female's mind (please note that this is a hustler's mentality not that of an upstanding citizen): 

To make money you are surrounded by males 

↓

Money should be used to impress the opposite sex in order to secure a mate and start a family

↓

That is not your aim so you just want to make money

↓

You like the attention other males give you for having money

↓

You are always surrounded by men and women don't interest you

↓

Damn, we lost another one...

A few of you guys may want to take some time out to re-evaluate your choice of lifestyle. Just Saying.

Sensitivity - Don't get me wrong, we ladies love a guy who can tap into his emotional side but to live there? C'mon man, where's your pride? Nothing is less attractive than a sulking male. Man up!

Toy Boys - I know women these days are more driven than men and as result you are more likely to find a woman with her stuff together (degree, job, car, house...) than a man but you men that live off your female counterparts, who did you sell your testicles to? You need those back asap!

JLS-inspired V-neck Tops - The fact that you even chose JLS as a style icon is disturbing. Just so you know, unless you are on stage, no amount of hours at the gym will make a visible pectoralis major with matching nipple in a public place acceptable or manly. We are smiling out of politeness but we are thinking, "Poor guy, lost his Y chromosome in '09. Hopefully one day he'll find a man to make him happy..."

Fans - All guys these days seem to be licking each other's arses in the most degrading of ways! Why are you repeatedly commenting on your boy's swagger and liking his every status? And those of you that make a beeline through a rave to greet a guy, SMH. Comments like "You don't know about my boy/G/don!" makes me very glad I don't because the love ya'll have for each other is a bit disturbing.

Dance buddies - Yeah, you see you man that are up in the rave dancing with/to each other? ALLOW IT! Straight kinky business. You don't think females wonder why you guys are shouting lyrics to each other when there are girls walking around in batty riders and crop tops? Or why you got aired at the end of the rave when trying to collect BB pins? I'll tell you - Kadiesha was pissed off that you made her wear her Beyonce best and waste lace front glue when you didn't pay her no mind all night!

Facial Piercings - So because Tupac and Lil Wayne did it all you Tom, Dick, Harry and Jeromes want to go ahead and start piercing your nose and lips yeah? ***Newsflash*** You ain't them and it ain't cool! That is all.

Pink - Unless it's a formal shirt, pink is not meant for males period! I don't care if it says "Suck my d**k!" on the front, it doesn't show cockiness, it just lets women know that you prefer a stronger jaw...

So there you have it, a few examples of how the number of women with XY genotype in the world are increasing and no amount of 'no homo' can disguise the fact that these days manly men are few and far between.

Not Rude, Honest. No Lesbo!

Au Naturel

So a few months back I decided to go natural which means I have stopped chemically straightening my hair. For those who know me this is probably impossible to believe since I was the kind of girl that never had a kink in my hair, talk less a full blown curl! Nevertheless going natural I am and I wanted to recommend some items that I found to be indispensable on my 'transitioning hair journey' (hair talk for 'chemically straight to natural journey). 

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to go natural, my hair wasn't breaking and I wasn't trying to make a statement (none of that afro centric stuff!), I guess I was just tired of depending on my perm. Over the years I've done everything from growing it long to shaving the back of my head (BEFORE the Rihanna craze!), sported a weave (soon realized it was not for me!) had a bob (again pre-Rihanna) and tried Ghana braids, ponytails and single plaits. Through all this my perm never wavered so I guess I'm giving my hair a well deserved break (I've been perming my hair for well over a decade!). I'm not saying I will never perm again but if this works for me I will just opt for an occasional hot comb instead of a permanently straight look.

First of all I need to state that I did not do the big chop (hair talk for cut off my chemically straightened hair) for various reasons so I probably made the whole process harder on myself. What I chose to do instead is cut off an inch of straight hair for every inch of new growth. I also need to state that my natural hair is of a kinky nature and quite dry so if you have wavier or oily hair you may not want to use these products.

My hair naturally grows very fast so my point of focus was keeping it moisturised and preventing tangling. The items I could not do this without are:

• Wide tooth comb - no way would my hair comb without this! 

• 100% Shea butter - I find it's the only thing that keeps my hair moisturised and helps make the combing process easier so I apply it to my roots.

• Castor oil - I apply this to my ends because those are the driest and it prevents split ends. The problem with not doing the big chop is that my hair now has two textures and what works for one will not work for the other. If I apply shea butter to my permed ends my hair becomes gunky. 

• Coconut oil - I heat it up and apply it liberally to my hair before I wash it. I leave it in for about an hour. It's supposed to work as a deep moisturiser and I guess it does do that but I just use it because I find my hair is easier to comb and it helps prevent tangling.

• Creme of Nature Sunflower and Coconut Detangling and Conditioning Shampoo - I've always used this brand because it doesn't give me that dry feeling after I shampoo. I started using this type just because it has coconut in it! Lol! People say you shouldn't use sulphate shampoos but to be honest I just don't care that much!

• Garnier Fructis Conditioner - I discovered this conditioner by accident and became a huge fan. Once again I only use it because it helps with combing my hair.

• SoftSheen Carson Optimum Care Anti-breakage therapy leave-in conditioner - Another accidental discovery but an amazing one. I feel this product coats individual strands with oil making tangling impossible and combing easy. Absolutely love it!

• Kera Care Essential Oils - I use this to blow dry my hair (natural dry makes my hair feel soft but allows it to tangle) because it gives it a nice sheen, has all the recommended essential oils and it smells great!

I put the images of the exact brands of the products I use but I'm sure any brand of coconut oil, castor oil and shea butter would work.

I am very lazy when it comes to hair and I'm used to just going to my hairdresser every 3 weeks to have him sort it out so this whole taking care of my hair myself is just tedious. As a result I'm not into any specific routine and I just use products that make managing my hair easier as opposed to worshipping it (some people are SERIOUS!). I wash it when I feel it's dirty and I moisturise it when I feel it's dry - that's it!

I found that the net doesn't provide advise for people with hair of a kinkier nature (type 'natural hair' into Google images and see what I mean) which is why I thought I'd add my two cents to the world of natural/transitioning hair. 

Hope it helps!

Lace-front Epidemic

So this has been upsetting my soul for quite a while and it is getting to a point where I need to speak out now to avoid b**ch slapping the next fool I see with a disgusting hairline.

Why is every Sally, Jane and Mary walking around with a wig attached to their forehead in the name of beauty? Can they not identify their hairline? 

Moreover, if Rihanna and her expensive stylist couldn't pull off the red weave what on earth made you think getting a cheap red lace-front would make you look nice?

Lace-fronts are in theory a great idea, they let you wear a weave that is as close to natural looking as currently possible (who know's what these weave-technicians are cooking up!) but the problem is that too many people try to get the look without paying the price and the result....

Why, I repeat, why would you want to look like this? And the part that really gets on my left tit is the fact that these morons will then look at you like say you're the slow one for not having one on your head too!


Epidemic may sound dramatic but I can assure you that the majority of women these days are opting for the lace front approach and of that population, about 5% are getting away with it. The thing with lace fronts is you either get it right and it looks very nice or you get it wrong and look atrocious! There is no middle ground!


Word of advice - if in doubt (no matter how small!), DON'T DO IT! 

                                   


          

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

There's a common misconception among the teens and young adults of today that respect is received automatically and doesn't need to be earned. Well to those confused individuals - you're wrong! And to those who try to gain respect the wrong way (e.g. guns, illegal money, threats...) - you're just stupid! 

The following actions will earn you no respect from me but seem to be the current guidelines for gaining respect in our confused society:

• Calling yourself a Boss or HBIC -Head Bitch In Charge
• Lies
• Slang
• Being a gangster
• A famous coochie (didn't ya'll know? Whoring is now cool!)
• A potty mouth
• Going on about your 'grind' 
• Classlessness
• Permanent unemployment
• Expecting things in life to be free
• Inability to spell
• Expensive weave 
• A nice car
• Uneducated individuals
• No sense of responsibility a.k.a. wasteman/girl
• Illegal activities of any kind 
• Knowing all the bouncers at the clubs
• Knowing everyone (really though, who does that even impress?)
• Being good looking (that's God's praise not yours!)
• Going to the gym
• Spending lots of money at the bar
• Expensive clothes (9 out of 10 times the LV is bought with illegal money)
• Irresponsible parents/being a bad example to your kids
• Having jail time on your CV
• Being 25 and over with no sense of life direction
• Being a dog player 
• Wasted potential
• Having an iphone/Blackberry (what are we? 10!?)
• Believing your own hype
• Surrounding yourself with people who are worst off than you to make you feel good about yourself
• Being good with the mouth a.k.a. smooth talkers

Please Note: Just because I don't disrespect you doesn't mean I respect you!

That is all.

Things I Hate

I saw this video a few months ago and I found it totally hilarious. Today I feel exactly like he does so I’m going to state the 15 things that I absolutely can’t stand. In no particular order here goes:

1.       Barbies – I’m not talking about the doll (I still go to Hamley’s to see the collector’s display!), I’m talking about these girls who feel the need to transform in the morning! A friend of mine recently described a girl as Pikachu and it is so true! They have these unnaturally red cheeks, foundations that don’t suit their complexion, lashes of an elephant, nails that compete with Wolverine, eyebrows that look like permanent marker pen and they top it all off with lion mane hair!!! The sick joke is that they think they look pretty!!! Are you kidding me??? When’s Ashton Kutcher going to shout "Punk’d"? These same girls then ridicule Lady Gaga! Do they not realise that Gaga looks like a nun compared to them!? Now I know everyone is free to do whatever they want but aren’t there laws against abuse and battery? I feel emotionally and psychologically abused and my eyes are constantly being battered, I think I need a lawyer...

2.      Rude children – Don’t you just hate it when a child is rude and disrespectful? And it’s even worse when they have a ‘My child would never...’ parent! People beware, if your child is rude to me I may just have to teach them manners #NoLongTing

3.      Big talkers – Talking does nothing but exhaust the Earth’s oxygen supply, want to make a point? SHOW it to me!

4.      Underground celebrities – This is the term I use for those people who think they are a somebody because they have thousands of friends and followers on social networks and their Blackberry pin is on Google. Guess what? You’re still a nobody! Maybe if you spent more time making a real impact on the world and spent less time stunting in the clubs you may actually become a somebody and give your life more meaning, just a thought...

5. Excuses – I can’t stand people that constantly make excuses for their actions/circumstances. People have done/been through worse and they overcame so your pitiful excuses for failure is just that – an excuse.

6.      "Models" – I love me some Jordin Dunn, Cindy Crawford and Alek Wek but I cannot stand this trend where every girl that thinks they look good in a body con dress and is able to borrow Indian hair weave thinks they are a model! Ya’ll are an insult to the industry! Some of these girls have great figures but a great figure and a model’s figure isn't the same thing. Having boobs and a butt doesn’t make you Gisele and if they jiggle then you may want to hit the gym before even displaying such goods. It’s even worse when the girl in question looks like a hippo or a bodybuilder in a dress! Are you taking the piss? Even if your friends lied to you, did the fact that you’re a size 18 slip your mind? Ladies taking a good picture doesn’t make you a model so please spare us the ‘aspiring model’ speech and go find yourself a new trade.

7.       Breast displays – I know I've said this before but I’m going to say it again – if you have big boobs they are already in everyone’s face, you do not need to have them falling out your top/dress to prove they are there! It’s just so tacky! Ergh!

8.       Fake people – I don’t think I will ever get why people like to act like schizophrenics and display multiple personalities. It’s simple – be you! Why spend precious days in your life pretending to be someone you’re not. If you don’t like someone don’t associate with them; if you are not a ‘baller’ then don’t try to live the lifestyle in borrowed clothes and stolen cash; if you don’t want to be with someone don’t cheat, just let them go and be with who you do want to be with; if you feel your life isn't what you want it to be don’t lie about, it just work at making the life you want. It’s pretty simple to me, I don’t know why so many people find it so hard.

9.       Expensive hoes – There’s this new set of women who are as bad as the common hoe but pretend to have class by hiding behind a LV bag bought for them by the highest bidder of their ****. You don’t fool me, a hoe’s a hoe and class isn't a part of the job description #NotInterested

10.   Pointless Liars – I know everybody lies in one way or another, whether its white lies, for-the-best lies, spare-your feelings lies, lying by omission or save-my-butt lies but the type I really can’t stand is the  for-no-reason lies! There are some people that just feel the need to spin you a story for absolutely NO REASON! These type of liars are normally really bad at it and are not consistent which means it doesn't take much to find them out. My question is always ‘Why?’. If I asked you something or if I cared then maybe I can see why you may feel the need to lie but otherwise what’s the point? To these type of people whenever you feel the urge to chat s**t to me – DON’T! 

11.    Jack of all trades and master of none – This old school saying describes the headless chickens that are roaming our society. These chickens are trying to be a part of everything all at once and are becoming successful in none. Just a word of advice – focus on one thing, succeed in that field and then go on to the next. What you’re doing now leaves you in waste man/chick category and the ‘I’m so busy’ line isn’t fooling anyone.

12.    Classless people – People with no class or sense of decency just generally annoy me.

13.    Pretend artists – So many people today want to get in the music industry for different reasons, some have a passion for music, some want a route to becoming a diva, others believe it’s easy money, some just don’t know what else to do with their time and a whole bunch of people just want in on the hype. Can someone please explain to me how they will ever become successful in music if you spend more time talking about ‘making it’ than in the studio? O_o

14.    Narcissistic individuals – Some people take statuses and comments to heart just because it happens to coincide with them in one way or another. All I have to say is – no, the world does not revolve around you and even if it did I still wouldn’t be interested. P.S. If I had anything to say to you I’d say it TO you.

15.    Obstructive criticism – In other words ‘enemy of progress’. It’s one thing to have an opinion and it’s another to try to discourage someone from achieving something. There’s a common misconception that only girls are bitchy but I have witnessed guys trying to hinder another guys progress. As a friend you should definitely highlight the negative aspects of your friend’s decision (I know I have!) but at the same time if they wanted someone to stop them from succeeding they would turned to their enemies!  It can be something as subtle as making a joke at your friend’s expense (bitchy boys I see you!) or all out making them feel stupid with your reaction (girls keep your pencil enhanced eyebrows down!). Instead try to offer some encouragement and a solution to any unrealistic aspects of their plan and then maybe one day when they make it they will acknowledge you as the person that believed in them when nobody else would.

There are so many other things that frustrate me on a daily basis but I figured this post was long enough without them! I may let you know all about the rest another time but that’s all for now :-)

Not rude, honest...