Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

Not Rude, Honest
xoxo

Girl Power!

I've personally never considered myself a feminist however, I have recently been labeled as one by men who's opinions, although I'm a little skeptical of them, I do respect.

When I think of a feminist I always think of a woman who doesn't want doors opened for her, who has 'Girl Power!' and 'Ms Independent' tattooed to her forehead and who forcibly suppresses her physiological 'womaness' just so she can compete with men. I am definitely not that woman but since more than one person has said the same thing I thought I should look into it.

"Feminist - A person who advocates the social, political, legal and economic rights of women equal to those of men." Dictionary.com

Based on this definition I am not a feminist. Other than the fact that I do not advocate any of the above, I was raised in the traditional "a man is the head of the household" way and I have had no issues with it; I have always seen the dynamic work with mutual respect from both spouses, never have I witnessed the wife being treated as 'less than' for being a woman. I have also always seen it as a dynamic of choice and not one that was forcibly imposed (joys of being raised in the western world). Truth be told, I've enjoyed having the men in my life carry the heavy bags and sort out all things technical, from TVs to computers!

All that changed when I worked in the Middle East. I have always known that Arab traditions didn't allow women a lot of freedom but to be treated as substandard due to my gender (and in my case, my colour too) was a huge culture shock!

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer and feminist featured in Beyoncé's track 'Flawless', gave a very insightful speech at the 2012 TEDx talk. 

The experiences she described were very familiar as I had experienced them myself while in the Middle East but still, I feel uneasy characterizing myself as a feminist. It's ludicrous that a male and female carrying out the same job role are paid differently and that a person be treated as a ghost just because they happen to be female but, calling myself a feminist somehow makes me feel as though gender equality is where my passion lies. In reality what I'm passionate about is freedom and equality, not just between sexes but between races, cultures and religions. 

I believe in freedom. The freedom to do as one pleases without the fear of judgment or condemnation. In many parts of the world there are women who are unable to do as they please simply because they are female. In Saudi Arabia it is illegal for women to drive and more recently in Nigeria girls were robbed of their right to an education by those who feel  females shouldn't go to school  (#BringBackOurGirls campaign is still ongoing).

The level of freedom I believe in means that if a woman wants to be treated as 'less than' by her husband, who am I to tell her that it's injustice? Why should a successful or opinionated woman automatically translate into a woman who isn't fit for companionship instead of a woman who simply has drive, is hard working and challenges ideas? Why should I assume a female stripper is being used by men, why not consider the possibility that maybe she just decided she wanted to be the object of male admiration? Freedom is about being able to live your life by your rules and yes, those rules may offend others. 

Chimamanda's speech has definitely highlighted things that need to change in our society, especially in the way we raise our boys, but for me it's more about mutual respect and acceptance of others than gender inequality. If we accept that everyone is free to make their own life choices and that it is not our place to impose our personal beliefs on others, equality between genders will surely be a result of that. We should all be fighting for everyone to have the same rights simply because they are human beings and all types of discrimination should be eradicated.

The jury is still out on whether I can officially wear the badge of feminism without feeling like a hypocrite but unlike others, I don't see it as a negative term. If feminism will give all women around the world the freedom of choice that I take for granted daily then it is definitely a positive movement.

Why Did I Get Married?

The world has been buzzing with the news that basketballer Kobe Bryant's divorce from Vanessa Bryan cost him an estimated $150 million.

Many people felt this was an unfair settlement and some, like sissy rapper Drake, made their opinion known.  Within his verse on Rick Ross' 'Stay Schemin' track Drake states "Kobe about to lose a hundred fifty M's, Kobe my n***a I hated it had to be him. B***h you wasn't with me shooting in the gym". On the other hand, many females flooded Twitter with indignation stating that although Vanessa wasn't with Kobe 'shooting in the gym', she was at home holding down the fort, cooking his meals, washing his clothes and looking after his children.

                

                    B***h you wasn't with me shooting in the gym

That's coz I was at home cooking, cleaning
& looking after yo kids!

Outrageous divorce settlements are more or less the norm in the world of celebrities but as per usual the question is: Is the person who doesn't directly earn the money entitled to leave the marriage with half (sometimes more!) of what their spouse has earned?

The financial losses associated with divorce have caused people to opt for prenuptial agreements but many people feel that a pre-nup is a sign that the person requesting it doesn't believe the marriage will last or that there is a financial motive to the nuptials. Personally I don't have anything against pre-nups, I feel they are exactly the same as a marriage certificate. 

Before ya'll begin to stone me let me explain. As a Christian I believe marriage between a man and a woman is sacred, there are many passages in the Bible to support this, however, nowhere in the Bible is a marriage certificate mentioned. A marriage certificate is a proof of matrimony and is only really needed in order to divide assets in case of divorce or death of a spouse. So how does this differ from a pre-nup which also is only valid at the point of divorce? The way I see it, if you have a problem with pre-nups you should also be against marriage certificates as they are both legal documents providing some kind of financial guarantee at the point of divorce.

I've heard many people argue that they want to get married because it is the will of God and my response to them is always the same - get married in your religious establishment but don't sign a marriage certificate! I can only speak for the Bible but I have never heard of any religious book stating the need for a marriage certificate therefore, if you are getting married for religious reasons and the security of leaving the marriage with money being married in the eyes of the law isn't your concern, you should happily avoid signing any contracts. No? I didn't think so! *side eye*

It's not what it looks like honey, we were just planking!

Now, you've signed your life away to a spouse and what you hoped was going to last till death did you part only lasted till the cheating swine your partner got their breath back from their adulterous session, do they owe you half of what they own?

My personal opinion on this matter varies from day to day. Contrary to common belief, in cases where 'marital unfaithfulness' has occured, the Bible does teach that divorce is possible although not advisable.

Matthew 19:9 - I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery. 

Most days I feel like splitting assets down the middle is the fair thing to do and that its part of the risk you take when getting married. On other days I think it depends on how you came into the marriage, after all, all the two become one stuff is from a religious angle not a legal one. I think that whoever keeps the kids for the majority of the time should get the house and they should also get enough money to maintain the life to which they have been accustomed to. I do feel its somewhat unfair that someone who is broke not financially successful upon entering the marriage leaves it a millionaire, I mean come on, even if Vanessa had been working throughout her marriage would she have made $150M? Very unlikely.

My usual standpoint on break ups is, since I didn't set the terms to ya'll getting together, I cannot comment on the terms of your break up. Would I personally ask for or agree to a pre-nup? I'm 70/30 on 'no' for now but who knows!

Live, love and laugh people, that's what life is all about!

Salaam alaikum vs Jesus loves you

***Post specific disclaimer: I have nothing against Muslims or Christians and my family has members of both religions, this post is specific ONLY to the people who, in my opinion, are not taking religion seriously. Thank you.***

A few years ago, circa 2005, there was a trend in and around London where every Tom, Dick, Harry, John and Fred decided they had to become Muslim. I call it 'The Era of the Trophy Muslims". This trend meant that everywhere you went there were people, especially guys, who would be shouting "Salaam alaikum" ('Peace be upon you' in Arabic) across the street at each other to let everyone else who couldn't tell from the trousers tucked in their socks, the beads hanging from their necks and the 'muslim scarf' (a black and white scarf that has no relation to Islam whatsoever!) that they were Muslim! *rolls eyes*

These individuals would then use their religion as an excuse to form cliques (that could have arguably been called gangs considering the activities they took part in!) and went around forcing people to convert (sometimes at gun point!). It was clear that these individuals obviously did not take the religion very seriously, probably only stepped into a mosque once and once I even witnessed a girl remove her burqa (the garment that covers Muslim women from head to toe) and niqab (the veil that covers a Muslim woman's face) to have lunch during ramadan! (John Ruskin College alumni 05/06 please testify!)

So the trend, like most, died out and a new one seems to have now taken over. I call this "The Era of the Leisure Centre Christians". For the past few years, starting circa 2009, being Muslim has no longer been 'cool' so the new religion of choice became Christianity. Now I don't mean people who just convert and decide to join a church, I'm talking about the ones who use the 'Born Again' route to becoming 'cool'. These people, like the Trophy Muslims before them, ensured everyone knew they were 'saved' by screaming "Jesus loves you my brother/sister" in greeting to their fellow 'saved' Christians across the street in case anyone missed the rosary around their neck and the Bible and dutiful notebook in their hand, form cliques and ostracise anyone who isn't also born again because they believe that they will be tainted by association. As a result of this, they decide to cut off all old friends that refuse to become 'saved' and after going to what seems like a maximum of three Bible studies they suddenly believe they are better than everyone and can go around judging people! 

Who died and made you God? Did you miss a whole chunk of the Bible while memorizing quotes and bypass the part that said there is only one God, Christians are not to judge others and Jesus allowed prostitutes in his presence? Getting baptised by being dipped in a pool at your local leisure centre (hence the name I gave them!) does not make you holy and it surely doesn't give you a free pass to Heaven!

The thing that annoys me about these Trophy Muslims and Leisure Centre Christians is that, because of the loud way in which they go about their business, they are unfortunately representing the religions and doing so very erroneously. Nobody is perfect and all religious people strive to live a good life in order to get to the promised land so when these fools go around giving the seriously religious people a bad name, they are causing others to not take the beliefs seriously! You should not be proving your holiness to anyone but the Creator so why are people stunting with it like it's a Blackberry? You got Trophy Muslims bombing and leading gangs and Leisure Centre Christians thinking that they are better that everyone while f**cking at the back of the church! I mean, do you not fear God?

Just to ensure there is no confusion, I am not saying ALL Muslims or ALL Christians/Born Again behave like this, I am addressing the few that do and I pray that God forgives you for making a mockery of something that is very serious.

Not Rude, Honest...