1.If you want something, go and get it: I
was taught that nothing was impossible as long as I was ready to work for it.
2.Enjoy your childhood: Boy did I
take that advice and run with it! Good times :)
3.Not everyone can be your friend: I accepted
from an early age that some people would like me and some
wouldn't so I never wasted time or tears on the latter.
4.You are black: This may seem like a
pointless statement but in order to survive institutional
racism, the colour of my skin and the prejudices that came with that had to be
highlighted.
5.Knowledge is power and therefore an
education is essential: My parents never told me what to study or
which knowledge would benefit me but they instilled the hunger for
knowledge in me and it has served me well.
6.The things you do today will affect
your tomorrow: This made me think twice before doing anything stupid.
7.Common sense is more important that
getting A's at school: Common sense really isn't common.
8.Seize every opportunity: This is
probably the best advice I was given by someone outside my family, namely, a
teacher. Taking this advice to heart has allowed me to lead an amazing life
with so many unconventional experiences.
9.It's not everything that you see that
you must say: Some things are just not meant to be passed on.
10. I love you just the way you are: This was hammered
into my head before I would reply 'I love you too' and has allowed me to always
remain confident in who I am as a person.
1. Don't throw away good bras,
breast size changes throughout your life: I have a bit of an obsession
with lingerie and have spent a small fortune on bras. If only someone had told
me that my bra size would fluctuate I wouldn't have given away my good (and
expensive!) bras. *sigh*
2. Failure is a part of life: When
you are a high achiever and good at everything you do, parents are so busy
encouraging you that they forget to tell you that one day, in whatever aspect
of your life, you will fail and that it's ok as long as you get back up again.
3. Graduating from university does
not mean automatic success: I'm sure many people can relate to this one. You
are encouraged to do so well academically and to get an education but nobody
tells you anything about life after graduation.
4. How to make AND keep
money: Most people's answer to this is still "Get a job and
save." I can assure you that that is not the answer.
5. Your 20s are for getting it together: Somewhere along the line we learned that if we didn't have it all figured out by 21 we had somehow failed society. Having babies you can't afford in a marriage based on puppy love and no real way of covering your student loans only equals a very difficult and unnecessarily stressful life. Take your time!
Normal thoughts for a 21 year old
6. There's no such thing as the
perfect relationship but there are many examples of bad relationships: Time and
time again I see people putting up with absolute nonsense in their
relationships all because "No relationship is perfect so you have to settle", many have
even suggested I do the same! Joke's on you.
7. Don't throw away clothes just
because they are no longer the 'in' style: In our lifetimes we'll see old fashions
come back at least once. Has anyone else seen bootcut jeans making a comeback?
8. Honesty is the best policy BUT
sometimes silence is even better: If I had been told this I would have held back
on being honest in many situations and would have saved myself a lot of hassle.
I have learned that people do not like hearing the truth even if they ask for
it.
9. Everyone's idea of 'success' is
different: Some people believe that they are not successful until
they have a six figure balance in the bank and others, more apparent since the birth of
bridal accounts on Instagram (no names!), believe that success is in the size
of the ring and/or wedding. It's ok to have your own idea of success and you
are not 'unsuccessful' for not achieving standards set by others.
10. Not everyone thinks like you: This seems so
obvious but, how many times have you been disappointed by the friend you
thought would do for you what you would do for them? Exactly.
"Colourism: Prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group." OxfordDictionaries.com
Personally I have never had to deal with colourism and as a result I was a little shocked to realise how big of an issue it was. Growing up I was a member of the only black family in my town so I had more issues with racism than colourism.
My family is very diverse and as such I have always been around family from all over the world and whom are all different shades ranging from white to black. As a child I was predominantly around my mixed race cousins and white friends but never was I made to feel ugly or less worthy because of my complexion.
This is more or less what my family looks like!
I later moved into the heart of London where multiculturalism is the norm and even then the only brief encounter I had with colourism was a myth (or at least that's what I thought it was back then...) that black boys only wanted to date mixed race girls. I believed it was a myth because I had many black male friends who all dated black girls and my black girl friends never had an issue finding a date.
Fast forward 10 or so years, I now understood complexion jokes in movies, "The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice" now seemed like a segregational statement, 'School Daze' was no longer just a funny movie and I become overall more conscious. This is when I truly began to understand just how serious and real the problem of colourism is. Even at this point however, colourism didn't directly affect me and seeing hashtags like #TeamLightSkin and #TeamDarkskin on social networks was as stupid and meaningless to me as the cinnamon challenge.
Scene from 'School Daze': War between light & dark skinned girls
As I am currently at the age of settling down and starting a family, I have started thinking of issues that I could possibly face in the pursuit of creating a happy home. I've been thinking of parenting and the best way to raise a well rounded individual and issues that were previously of little importance to me are now up for review. It occurred to me that my child may be that 'silly' person that needs to tweet their every move to feel important or become obsessed with a celebrity or be that girl that believes a UK size 8 (US size 2) is fat; these are all things that I have never experienced or felt. How do you teach a child that self worth is not based on Instagram likes?
Imagine this was your daughter?! My biggest nightmare!
I have always found it ridiculous that people who looked black to the world would go out of their way to call themselves 'mixed' or tell you "My great-grandad was white/chinese/indian" but understanding the existance of colourism doesn't make it sound as silly to me as it previously did. Colourism, even in its Oxford Dictionaries definition, appears to only affect dark skinned girls but as I was watching 'Light Girls' after having previously watched 'Dark Girls' my heart broke at the idea that my little girl, whether her skin is light or dark, could one day face these struggles based solely on a genetic predetermination she had no control over. That my son could subconsciously have a negative outlook on black women even though he loved those in his bloodline. As if living with racism every day wasn't enough of a burden!
'Dark Girls' trailer (2011)
How am I to prepare my children against the same people they are supposed to be able to stand side by side with to fight for equality of races? How do you explain to a child that not only are other races going to look down on them but that there was classism based on skin tone within their own race? My mum is the colour of brown sugar and my dad the colour of chocolate, I see myself as a perfect blend of the two and have always been made to feel as such; how then can I relate to the feeling a person gets from being the 'wrong' shade of black?
'Light Girls' trailer (2014)
Colourism dates back before the brown paper bag tests (Google it!) and it angers me that colonialism and slavery has left such deep wounds in not only the black race but in other races as well. Finding a cream or lotion in Bankok, Thailand without a lightening agent is like finding money on the street, it happens but very rarely. Lightening products are sold just as freely in supermarkets in Abuja, Nigeria. India is notorious for its skin tone segregation especially when casting for Bollywood movies. In Japan people literally paint their faces white to remove the pigmented appearance of their skin.
Bleaching cream billboard advertisement
I can't even imagine what hating the skin you're in feels like, it's a concept that is quite hard for me to grasp. Outside of the institutional racism that I face every day as a black woman, I have also experienced violent racism but never have I hated myself or my skin colour. Ironically, this could be BECAUSE I grew up around white people. The white people I encountered who were not racist were the first to comment on how beautiful my skin was so I grew up accepting that some caucasians would like me and some wouldn't, either way there was nothing wrong with me and unless they threatened my wellbeing, how they felt about me was their problem and not mine.
This is something I hope I can teach my children, how to love themselves irrespective of outside opinions and to allow others to live their lives as they choose instead of criticising or judging them based on their differences/choices.
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
