No Homo

I've been having a bit of writer's block and as a result I have like seven half written posts that I couldn't find the words to complete, sad times *sighs*. Moving on...

A while ago a trend that I really don't understand begun. After every flattering sentence typed on a social network to a person of the same sex came...

Examples include:

"Man looks like he's been living in gym! No homo."

"Your swagger is on point still. No homo" 

"I heard you man shut down that rave last night! That's my G right there! No homo"

And girls got involved too:

"You look really nice in that dress. No homo lol!"

"I love Nicki Minaj! No homo!"

Now I don't know what led these individuals to believe that paying a person of the same sex a compliment is a sign of homosexuality or why they feel that by typing 'no homo' at the end of their sentence somehow purifies them of homosexual tendencies but I do know it gets on my damn nerves! Especially since guys are acting more feminine every day! Am I the only one that has noticed that men are becoming less manly? Let me give some examples:

Skinny Jeans - I don't care how trendy it is for a man to walk around in sprayed on bottoms, nothing strips a man of his manhood as quick as a pair of skinny jeans!

Handbags - I don't care what fancy macho name you males have given this in order to justify your actions or what celebrity you are using as a proof that your manhood is in tact, handbags were made for females! STOP IT! If it's not a backpack or a briefcase your manhood is questionable.

Threading/waxing of eyebrows - Yes I noticed! You guys have taken grooming too far with this one mate. And you have the cheek to type 'no homo'! Get outta here!

'Money Over B***hes' - Now I know ya'll think you're so cool by dropping this line but let me give you a short journey into a female's mind (please note that this is a hustler's mentality not that of an upstanding citizen): 

To make money you are surrounded by males 

↓

Money should be used to impress the opposite sex in order to secure a mate and start a family

↓

That is not your aim so you just want to make money

↓

You like the attention other males give you for having money

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You are always surrounded by men and women don't interest you

↓

Damn, we lost another one...

A few of you guys may want to take some time out to re-evaluate your choice of lifestyle. Just Saying.

Sensitivity - Don't get me wrong, we ladies love a guy who can tap into his emotional side but to live there? C'mon man, where's your pride? Nothing is less attractive than a sulking male. Man up!

Toy Boys - I know women these days are more driven than men and as result you are more likely to find a woman with her stuff together (degree, job, car, house...) than a man but you men that live off your female counterparts, who did you sell your testicles to? You need those back asap!

JLS-inspired V-neck Tops - The fact that you even chose JLS as a style icon is disturbing. Just so you know, unless you are on stage, no amount of hours at the gym will make a visible pectoralis major with matching nipple in a public place acceptable or manly. We are smiling out of politeness but we are thinking, "Poor guy, lost his Y chromosome in '09. Hopefully one day he'll find a man to make him happy..."

Fans - All guys these days seem to be licking each other's arses in the most degrading of ways! Why are you repeatedly commenting on your boy's swagger and liking his every status? And those of you that make a beeline through a rave to greet a guy, SMH. Comments like "You don't know about my boy/G/don!" makes me very glad I don't because the love ya'll have for each other is a bit disturbing.

Dance buddies - Yeah, you see you man that are up in the rave dancing with/to each other? ALLOW IT! Straight kinky business. You don't think females wonder why you guys are shouting lyrics to each other when there are girls walking around in batty riders and crop tops? Or why you got aired at the end of the rave when trying to collect BB pins? I'll tell you - Kadiesha was pissed off that you made her wear her Beyonce best and waste lace front glue when you didn't pay her no mind all night!

Facial Piercings - So because Tupac and Lil Wayne did it all you Tom, Dick, Harry and Jeromes want to go ahead and start piercing your nose and lips yeah? ***Newsflash*** You ain't them and it ain't cool! That is all.

Pink - Unless it's a formal shirt, pink is not meant for males period! I don't care if it says "Suck my d**k!" on the front, it doesn't show cockiness, it just lets women know that you prefer a stronger jaw...

So there you have it, a few examples of how the number of women with XY genotype in the world are increasing and no amount of 'no homo' can disguise the fact that these days manly men are few and far between.

Not Rude, Honest. No Lesbo!

Time Waits For No Man

In life we meet so many people, some stay for a day, some for a year and others stay for a lifetime. Many of the people you will meet will have no impact on your life whatsoever - the guy that served you at a restaurant, the girl that held the door open for you at a store - they will remain faceless and nameless in your journey of life, but others will leave a sign saying 'I was here'.

 Maybe it is the volume of people we meet that allows us to either believe they will always be there or that they are replaceable but whatever the reason, we are all guilty of taking those around us for granted. The one thing everyone seems to forget is that you may meet another person like them but never another person to be them.

I have recently lost two friends. They died in very different ways but the result was the same - shock, pain, sadness. The thing is,  in my day to day life they had no impact, we didn't talk every day or see each other weekly but it doesn't make the loss any easier. As the news started sinking in I started having flashbacks of our times together and then a new feeling cropped up - regret. I regret not making contact with them more often or arranging to meet up somewhere as we always said we would. The truth is I took them for granted, I figured that since our friendship was already solidified and we hadn't fallen out there would always be time for us to do those things later. How wrong was I?

Death is an inevitable part of life but unless we are sick we naturally assume we have all the time in the world to do things and that death won't hit us till old age. The thing we forget is life, not death, is the rarest of the two. There are so many ways in which a person could die yet only one way to come to life and even once born, survival is a struggle and staying alive is a gift. We need to remember that time waits for no man and death doesn't make an appointment with you so live each day like it's your last, let those you care about know how important they are to you and keep in contact with the rest even if it's only via a social networking site. Life is fragile and tomorrow is never promised.

Having said all that, I want to pay tribute to two people who left their mark in my life and I pray that both their souls rest in perfect peace. Death is harder on those who live and I pray that their families and friends are given the strength to get through these very difficult times. I hope we will meet again one sweet day Sadiq and Reubini xxx

Sadiq Adebiyi

Reubini Markandoo

Lazy Lover

Ok, so I wrote a post on men who didn't deliver in the bedroom and I started receiving feedback from my male friends that many women also don't 'Put A Little Umph In It'. Because I'm a woman they automatically expected me to jump to the women's defence and deny the allegations (not against me of course!) but they were very surprised to find that I totally agree with them!

I've always gotten along better with guys just because I'm missing the irrational emotions that torment many women exhibit and as a result some of my closest friends are guys. Me and my 'man dem' have had many conversations similar to the ones I have with my girlfriends and they have all at one point or another complained about lazy lovers. A lazy lover is a female that, either because "she thinks she's too cute" (quote!), lack of experience or simply having bad complacent previous sexual relationships, does not know how to 'Work It'.

Sometimes I come across as a feminist due to the passion with which I defend women but the next statement I'm going to make is going to have my inbox full and a lot of people who know me will be shocked - ladies, a big part of your role in life is to cater to your man! I don't care how you sugar coat it or dress it up, this is fact and my blog is called 'Not Rude, Honest' not '21st Century Thinking!' so honesty is what you will get. I have met women who cannot cook and live like pigs but think that because they wear Brazilian weave and look good in a dress their man will be satisfied! Are you girls for real!? And then I hear from the guys that your waist in a rave is a façade because you cannot utilize it in the bedroom! What is this world coming to? 

Now before all the men start quoting me and the ladies start sending bricks through my window I am not saying that a woman's ONLY job is to please her man but ladies, let's not lie to ourselves, that is a big part of it and partly the reason we were created so if you cannot make your man want the 'Milkshake' from your yard then you lose 50% on the spot! I'm not saying you should be a porn star or do anything you're not comfortable with but at the same time you cannot lie there like a blow up doll! 

As a woman I know the importance of maintaining a perm and not messing up your weave (sweating it out is NEVER a good thing!) but seriously you have to get your priorities right otherwise another woman will straighten them out for you! I'm not justifying cheating but if you ain't cooking, keeping a clean house AND are then failing in the bedroom the reality is your man will soon find a 'friend' who comments on how skinny he's looking and how wrinkled his shirt is. This new 'friend' will then slyly make your man her priority and one day between preparing him a lunch of curry goat and rice and his dinner of jollof rice and assorted meat served with a side order of fried plantain his 'friend' will gladly remove her lace front before entering the bedroom! 

If your man is incredibly strong willed he will pack his puff puff and dumpling to go and leave the premises but that does not mean he won't start wondering if this is the life his mother raised him to live. I can assure you that from that moment your days are numbered!

The funny thing is, a guy will happily (ok maybe not happily exactly...) live with a woman who can't cook because he can always go to his mother's house for Sunday dinner and get a week's supply of food but a woman who can't give him the 'Sex Weed' is pointless! There is just no excuse for making your man feel like he's right hand can do the same job as you - period! Men also like moves in the bedroom so ladies there is no excuse for weak performances, get your 'T-shirt and Panties', play a 'Lovegame' and show him that 'Nobody' can do it like you!

And all that punishing him with the refusal to put out (all women are guilty of this at one point or another!) just remember that unless your 'Love is the Shhh' to begin with, you've just given him an excuse to go find a woman that loves his big 'Ego' and will feel no way in showing him how she 'Ride It' on clean sheets after a three course meal!

Not Rude, Honest.