Lazy Lover

Ok, so I wrote a post on men who didn't deliver in the bedroom and I started receiving feedback from my male friends that many women also don't 'Put A Little Umph In It'. Because I'm a woman they automatically expected me to jump to the women's defence and deny the allegations (not against me of course!) but they were very surprised to find that I totally agree with them!

I've always gotten along better with guys just because I'm missing the irrational emotions that torment many women exhibit and as a result some of my closest friends are guys. Me and my 'man dem' have had many conversations similar to the ones I have with my girlfriends and they have all at one point or another complained about lazy lovers. A lazy lover is a female that, either because "she thinks she's too cute" (quote!), lack of experience or simply having bad complacent previous sexual relationships, does not know how to 'Work It'.

Sometimes I come across as a feminist due to the passion with which I defend women but the next statement I'm going to make is going to have my inbox full and a lot of people who know me will be shocked - ladies, a big part of your role in life is to cater to your man! I don't care how you sugar coat it or dress it up, this is fact and my blog is called 'Not Rude, Honest' not '21st Century Thinking!' so honesty is what you will get. I have met women who cannot cook and live like pigs but think that because they wear Brazilian weave and look good in a dress their man will be satisfied! Are you girls for real!? And then I hear from the guys that your waist in a rave is a façade because you cannot utilize it in the bedroom! What is this world coming to? 

Now before all the men start quoting me and the ladies start sending bricks through my window I am not saying that a woman's ONLY job is to please her man but ladies, let's not lie to ourselves, that is a big part of it and partly the reason we were created so if you cannot make your man want the 'Milkshake' from your yard then you lose 50% on the spot! I'm not saying you should be a porn star or do anything you're not comfortable with but at the same time you cannot lie there like a blow up doll! 

As a woman I know the importance of maintaining a perm and not messing up your weave (sweating it out is NEVER a good thing!) but seriously you have to get your priorities right otherwise another woman will straighten them out for you! I'm not justifying cheating but if you ain't cooking, keeping a clean house AND are then failing in the bedroom the reality is your man will soon find a 'friend' who comments on how skinny he's looking and how wrinkled his shirt is. This new 'friend' will then slyly make your man her priority and one day between preparing him a lunch of curry goat and rice and his dinner of jollof rice and assorted meat served with a side order of fried plantain his 'friend' will gladly remove her lace front before entering the bedroom! 

If your man is incredibly strong willed he will pack his puff puff and dumpling to go and leave the premises but that does not mean he won't start wondering if this is the life his mother raised him to live. I can assure you that from that moment your days are numbered!

The funny thing is, a guy will happily (ok maybe not happily exactly...) live with a woman who can't cook because he can always go to his mother's house for Sunday dinner and get a week's supply of food but a woman who can't give him the 'Sex Weed' is pointless! There is just no excuse for making your man feel like he's right hand can do the same job as you - period! Men also like moves in the bedroom so ladies there is no excuse for weak performances, get your 'T-shirt and Panties', play a 'Lovegame' and show him that 'Nobody' can do it like you!

And all that punishing him with the refusal to put out (all women are guilty of this at one point or another!) just remember that unless your 'Love is the Shhh' to begin with, you've just given him an excuse to go find a woman that loves his big 'Ego' and will feel no way in showing him how she 'Ride It' on clean sheets after a three course meal!

Not Rude, Honest.