Yo, my size!

This a short note fuelled by frustration!

I was walking to my friend’s house when all I heard was “Yo, my size!” 

Now, I didn’t know what the hell that meant so I kept walking with a bit of a baffled expression on my face. Can you imagine the shock that took over me when I realized the guy was talking to ME and that the shout out was some sort of new pick up line! I literally chocked on my Blushing Apple Snapple (ya dun kno!)! 

Now I’ve heard many shout outs in my time the classic ‘Oi!’, ‘Hey shortie’(some people got the wrong post code!), the yardie ‘Wah gwarn my love!’, the Aff ‘Wetin dey happen?’ and the more polite ‘Excuse me, can I take a minute of your time?’ but ‘Yo, my size!’ SERIOUSLY!!!

Now first of all I was NOT his size! In fact my 5’3 frame enhanced with 4.5 inch heels made me clearly more than his size which was around 5’2! Secondly, where on earth did these guys get the idea that calling any woman ‘my size’ would get their attention, talk less their number!?

All I can do in this situation is quote Bossip ‘God take the wheel’ SMH

To, two, too, 2...

We are all aware that instant messaging and social networks like Facebook are basically a part of everyday life and due to the wonders of instant messaging we have all learned a way to type what we want to say in the shortest possible way.

“I’m having a party at my house tonight, hope to see you all there!”       

“I’m avn a party @ ma hse 2nyt, hpe 2 c ya’ll der!"

The problem I find these days is that those who fit the statistic of ‘1 in 5 children leave school without being able to read and write’ are becoming glaringly obvious! There is no point in having a bootilicious pic on your profile if your status says “I cnt wait 4 twonite, my cuz is coming two the party to!’  or a guy stunting on Miami beach with a pic caption saying ‘Chillin with the gyrls’!!!

The do-gooders of you out there will be saying “Maybe it was a typo!”, well my theory is that if the word written correctly is 5 letters long then there’s no point in writing the ‘txt language’ word that is  7 letters long! ‘Tonight’ cannot be typo-ed to ‘twonite’ or from ‘to’ to ‘two’!!!

My advice is that if you know anyone who has the reading and writing issues you need to have a quiet word with them and possibly teach them if you can. Do NOT make excuses for them! The likelihood is that they will meet someone like me who will have to set the record straight.

Not rude, honest...

♪ I don't get down on the first night! ♫

At the time that Monica sang that song I didn't even know what it was about but now it seems to be the Holy Grail of dating "To get down or not to get down on the first date?" or an extended version "How long before it's 'acceptable' to get down with your partner?" My take on this is based on many experiences and my personal feelings on the matter.

First of all, I do NOT think its ok to be getting down with a guy on the first date, and no it's not because of society or religion or any other excuse that makes a 16 year old go right ahead! The answer is more logical - you don't know him!!!

Now, I've heard many excuses "But we spoke for 10 hours a day for a week!" "We were friends in primary school!" "I've met his family, his brother dropped us at the cinema!" I don't care if ya'll were friends in the years BC, you still don't know them enough to go there.

A particular guy (no names) told me of his experience with a girl. Basically the story goes that they were acquaintances and started talking more often. On the day in question, they spent the whole day together indoors - take out, movie, play fight... you get the gist. So when they eventually got down on this given day, this guy states that he didn't want to tag her as 'easy' because they had after all known each other and spent the day together, they were comfortable...

The truth is ladies and gentlemen, this scenario is bogus and he should have saved his money on the take-out and pirate dvd!

No girl, I repeat, no girl is going to be comfortable enough with you after spending just a day with you and having random convo a few times to spread her legs unless she's, for lack of a better term, 'easy'!

The logic behind that is this - as women we are naturally self conscious, even the most confident of us! Also, we are taught at the age of 3 not to trust men! For a woman, letting a man experience that intimate side of her is a big deal! No matter how many previous partners she's had! As a result, a few convo's and a house date (regardless how many hours long) isn't going to make a woman trust you or comfortable enough to get down with you.

The problem nowadays is that guys have put a time limit in place to deem a girl 'serious'. This means that a girl  feels she has to wait for a specific amount of time before she can do her business. Unfortunately, girls have found a way around that one - sex with the ex!

A girl and guy I knew started dating. The girl was a good friend of mine and would fill me in on how everything was going (you know how we do!). They saw each other like twice a week and spoke on the phone every day so naturally after about 4 weeks they kinda knew everything about each other and had spent  many hours in each other's company. Problem was that the guy was a great believer of the 90 day rule.

For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a rule that dictates that women should wait 3 months before giving up the 'goodies' otherwise they are 'easy'.

This rule meant that my girlfriend couldn't get down with this guy who she really liked and was feeling because she was scared he wouldn't take her seriously afterwards. But a girl has needs. And she satisfied them, with her ex!

Now please note the technicalities of this situation:

1) She isn't lying when she says she's not seeing anyone else - she doesn't communicate or date him it's straight sex!

2) The guy believes that because they ain't getting down yet and she isn't seeing anyone else she's wifey (I hate that term!) material

3) They are technically not together so even if he did find out she'd have the whole "You're not my man" speech ready and waiting to save face

Fellas believe it or not this is what the 90 day rule causes - deception!

At the top I said my reason for not agreeing with sex on the first date is because I don't think you can know a person well enough in that time. What that means is that for me, even if we have been talking everyday for three months and I've never spent physical time with you - I don't know you! If we've had a couple dates and speak once a week, after three months - I don't know you! If I didn't know after three months not to offer you Butterkist at the cinema coz you're allergic to nuts - I don't know you!

My solution is simple. Forget the damn 90 day rule and get to know the person. If you feel you know them well enough in a month, do your thing! If it takes more than three months to feel comfortable enough with the person, then wait. Don't follow these damn rules set in place in the 70's where everyone was getting frisky at the drop of a hat! Guys - if you have an issue with a girl being ready too soon, say something! Don't get down with her and then feel bad about going out with her because she 'gave it up' too soon.

We are in a society where sex is the norm so the only thing you need to worry about is making sure the guy is serious about you enough to wait till you guys know each other better or mature enough to handle a 'no strings attached' relationship, if that's what you're looking for. You will not find that out on the first date! Other than the obvious fact of respecting your body and yourself, nobody likes walking into a room to find everyone staring at you because your one-night-stand spilled the beans and labelled you.

My advice is simple - don't get down on the first night!

One size does NOT fit all!

I need to start by saying that I absolutely love fashion. I love clothes, shoes, jewellery, bags - the works! I like buying, wearing, seeing, sampling... if its, fashion I like it!

 Its this love for fashion that has inspired this note as certain things have really been annoying me for a while.

There was a time when clothes and shoes were only made in what was then deemed as 'average' sizes. This meant that if you were larger or smaller than the 'average' you were forced to do many alterations. Due to the developing nature of our race we have now been blessed with a tall, petite and plus size sections in every store so can someone please explain to me why on earth people are still wearing ill fitting clothes?

Examples include

* tall girls wearing ankle swingers

* busty girls with their boobs hanging out

* bootylicious girls displaying crack

* muscular guys wearing their little bro's jumper

* girls with size 8 feet squeezing into size 5's

* Guys who wear their jeans below their butt to hide the fact that they outgrew them 3 years ago

That is just a short list but you get my drift. Now this has been going on for years and you're probably wondering why I'm complaining now, one word - leggings!

More specifically jeggings but leggins too. Now I watch tv too and I know we live in a wannabe-celebrity era but seriously, why should the rest of us, the portion of us that have been to specsavers, have to suffer the disgusting - yeah I said it, disgusting - sights that are becoming a norm?

A few weeks back I was in west end minding my business and trying to enjoy a rain free day. I was having a great time with my oreo mcflurry (love that stuff) until a girl suffering from body dysmorphic disorder appeared in front of me. Now, she wasn't fat (I'm a fat-o-phobic, but that's another story) but its besides the point and people don't seem to get it! The problem was that she wasn't firm. I think I need to state that I don't agree with girls wearing leggings without a top long enough to cover your bum , but if you are going to do that then you really need to ensure you are toned. I repeat - toned! Not slim or curvatious or below a certain size - just toned! Celebrities put a lot of hours in the gym in order to wear leggings so what makes you special!?

The problem I have with jeggings in particular is that girls seem to forget that unlike jeans, jeggins will expose your cellulite, rolls and wobbly bits!

Girls also seem to love the jeggings and boob tube look which is a great look but leads to my other pet pieve. Now, I'm a busty girl myself and I fully understand how hard it is to get a top to fit you without looking like you're giving a peep show, many a time I have had to turn away from a top that would have looked great if only I had smaller boobs. So how is it that girls with huge boobs not only wear tops with everything hanging out, but tops that are clearly too small! If you got big boobs best believe they are not going unnoticed so why the Jodie Marsh look? And don't say that's probably the look they were going for because when they are ruining an otherwise classy dress, it's clearly not. If your seam is bussin' and the areola of your breast is on display then you obviously need a bigger size - and no, it will not fit better on Saturday!

Seriously, people need to realize one size does not fit all!!!

Hey!!!

You know how people say "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all", well they didn't consider the people that didn't think what they had to say was not nice till they saw another person's reaction!

I'm the person that says what everyone else is thinking, even when my input isn't required. I've been called rude many times so the aim of this page is to make my point - I'm not rude, I'm HONEST!!!