♪ I don't get down on the first night! ♫

At the time that Monica sang that song I didn't even know what it was about but now it seems to be the Holy Grail of dating "To get down or not to get down on the first date?" or an extended version "How long before it's 'acceptable' to get down with your partner?" My take on this is based on many experiences and my personal feelings on the matter.

First of all, I do NOT think its ok to be getting down with a guy on the first date, and no it's not because of society or religion or any other excuse that makes a 16 year old go right ahead! The answer is more logical - you don't know him!!!

Now, I've heard many excuses "But we spoke for 10 hours a day for a week!" "We were friends in primary school!" "I've met his family, his brother dropped us at the cinema!" I don't care if ya'll were friends in the years BC, you still don't know them enough to go there.

A particular guy (no names) told me of his experience with a girl. Basically the story goes that they were acquaintances and started talking more often. On the day in question, they spent the whole day together indoors - take out, movie, play fight... you get the gist. So when they eventually got down on this given day, this guy states that he didn't want to tag her as 'easy' because they had after all known each other and spent the day together, they were comfortable...

The truth is ladies and gentlemen, this scenario is bogus and he should have saved his money on the take-out and pirate dvd!

No girl, I repeat, no girl is going to be comfortable enough with you after spending just a day with you and having random convo a few times to spread her legs unless she's, for lack of a better term, 'easy'!

The logic behind that is this - as women we are naturally self conscious, even the most confident of us! Also, we are taught at the age of 3 not to trust men! For a woman, letting a man experience that intimate side of her is a big deal! No matter how many previous partners she's had! As a result, a few convo's and a house date (regardless how many hours long) isn't going to make a woman trust you or comfortable enough to get down with you.

The problem nowadays is that guys have put a time limit in place to deem a girl 'serious'. This means that a girl  feels she has to wait for a specific amount of time before she can do her business. Unfortunately, girls have found a way around that one - sex with the ex!

A girl and guy I knew started dating. The girl was a good friend of mine and would fill me in on how everything was going (you know how we do!). They saw each other like twice a week and spoke on the phone every day so naturally after about 4 weeks they kinda knew everything about each other and had spent  many hours in each other's company. Problem was that the guy was a great believer of the 90 day rule.

For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a rule that dictates that women should wait 3 months before giving up the 'goodies' otherwise they are 'easy'.

This rule meant that my girlfriend couldn't get down with this guy who she really liked and was feeling because she was scared he wouldn't take her seriously afterwards. But a girl has needs. And she satisfied them, with her ex!

Now please note the technicalities of this situation:

1) She isn't lying when she says she's not seeing anyone else - she doesn't communicate or date him it's straight sex!

2) The guy believes that because they ain't getting down yet and she isn't seeing anyone else she's wifey (I hate that term!) material

3) They are technically not together so even if he did find out she'd have the whole "You're not my man" speech ready and waiting to save face

Fellas believe it or not this is what the 90 day rule causes - deception!

At the top I said my reason for not agreeing with sex on the first date is because I don't think you can know a person well enough in that time. What that means is that for me, even if we have been talking everyday for three months and I've never spent physical time with you - I don't know you! If we've had a couple dates and speak once a week, after three months - I don't know you! If I didn't know after three months not to offer you Butterkist at the cinema coz you're allergic to nuts - I don't know you!

My solution is simple. Forget the damn 90 day rule and get to know the person. If you feel you know them well enough in a month, do your thing! If it takes more than three months to feel comfortable enough with the person, then wait. Don't follow these damn rules set in place in the 70's where everyone was getting frisky at the drop of a hat! Guys - if you have an issue with a girl being ready too soon, say something! Don't get down with her and then feel bad about going out with her because she 'gave it up' too soon.

We are in a society where sex is the norm so the only thing you need to worry about is making sure the guy is serious about you enough to wait till you guys know each other better or mature enough to handle a 'no strings attached' relationship, if that's what you're looking for. You will not find that out on the first date! Other than the obvious fact of respecting your body and yourself, nobody likes walking into a room to find everyone staring at you because your one-night-stand spilled the beans and labelled you.

My advice is simple - don't get down on the first night!