Family Affairs

In the past two to three years I have noticed that the youth of today just seem to have no respect, home training or 'brought up-cy' and I have to say it really saddens my heart and fills me with fear for the generation my children will grow up in. Coming from an African home my mum used telepathy to communicate with me, a side eye was all it took to get me back on the straight and narrow! LOL! My parents weren't all that strict when it came to my social life but respect for my elders and everyone around me was a must and bush monkey (a person who does not know how to behave in society) behaviour was not an option! 

A recent set of events got me thinking long and hard about the society we live in and what the possible reasons for such a drastic breakdown in morality and respect could be. Are children not being brought up the 'right' way or are they leaving what they are being taught at home when they leave the house? Although I know society has a lot to do with the path our youth are taking these days I still think that the main focus lays within the family structure and that, in the majority of cases, the way a child is brought up determines the choices they make when they are 'let out' into society. 

These are the aspects I have identified and that I think play a role in the deteriorating quality of our youth. This post is going to be long so brace yourself!

FATHERS

People always say I cannot comment on this aspect because I come from a two parent household but I'm going to add my two pence anyway. First of all I do need to say that men need to take more responsibility for their children, it's a disgrace how ya'll spread your seed and do nothing to help it grow. I can't claim to know what it is like growing up without a father but I can say this - stop using it as an excuse! This may sound harsh but the reality is, I know many people who grew up without a father either because he was waste or because he passed away during their childhood and I find them to be the most driven people I know. You need to remember that during wars kids also grew up without a father once they were sent to war and that made them mature faster not become a nuisance to society! As much of a disadvantage not having a dad may be and as much hurt as it may cause, it is no excuse for being waste. I'm tired of hearing "What did you expect, I had no dad", are you telling me that you required a dad to know murder is wrong, unprotected sex is dangerous and that you need GCSE's? Character flaws and personality traits I can excuse but harmful anti-social behaviour I cannot condone. That is all.

MOTHERS

I'm probably gonna get bricks thrown through my window for the following statements. Mothers, 70% of the blame is on you. You're role is to nurture and therefore bring up the children so if you do not instil the right values into your child not only will the child never learn them elsewhere but your child then becomes a nuisance to society. Women need to stop winging and face up to the fact that however we want to sugar coat it children are primarily our responsibility. Too many mums these days are busy trying to look like a 'yummy mummy' and not teaching their children decorum. I see mums in the nail shop ignoring a child that is throwing a tantrum and proudly boasting in the hairdressers that when their child says "Fu*k you" it's cute, followed by a demonstration. Is this life? 

Notice how she said "It's not funny" while laughing? SMH.

An then when the child becomes a teen and doesn't know how to behave in public or they start telling their parents to "F**k off" the mum starts dropping the "I don't know how s/he became like this" line! Puh-lease spare me your crocodile tears, at which point did you use your mannerisms to demonstrate respect for others and that cursing is wrong? Don't even get me started on the parents that allow their children to grind on each other! So you teach them to dry hump and give them lots of attention while they do it but then you are shocked when your child engages in sexual activities with multiple partners before they are legal to buy a cigarette? Don't piss me off! Slap yourself!

My mum would have BEATEN me!!!

PRIVACY

My mum always used to say "You can buy privacy when you buy your own house!" and I couldn't agree more! Too many parents these days are respecting their children's privacy to the extent that they do not know what their child does from day to day and do not know what the child has hidden in their bedroom till the police come knocking! Obviously kids lie but if like my mum you become nicknamed 'DCI' (Detective Chief Inspector) best believe the things your child could get away with without your knowledge would decrease considerably!
Trust me, I know -__- 

Me, I'm in all my young siblings and cousins' business like white on rice! I do regular Facebook checks (on them and their friends!), Google their names and talk to their friends enough to be able to ID them if and when required, I do not plan to play the "If only I'd paid more attention" game!

DISCIPLINE/FEAR OF PARENTS 

Before your child leaves for pre-school/nursery/kindergarten your child should already know who runs things in your household! Many parents are leaving this aspect of parenting 

out either because they feel that the fear they had of their parent/s made for a bad childhood or because they feel their child is too young to learn discipline, whatever the reason, if your child doesn't know you as the boss at the age of 3 then be assured that at 16 you sure as hell will not be ruling over anyone! If your child is not scared of the consequences they will face at home at an early age, they will not know what is and isn't acceptable behaviour when they are receiving a 'street education', you might as well hand your child over to Yungah Bullet after birth.

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

I have noticed a lot of parents are playing the BFF role with their child and I just don't understand it! I guess they are hoping that if they are 'down' with their kids their child will be more comfortable telling them the intimate details of their lives. ***NEWSFLASH*** You are WRONG!!! No amount of matching outfits will get your child to tell you their intimate secrets! To them you may be a BFF but to your child's friends you are still a parent and it is not 'cool' for them to let you in on their life. You only become your child's friend once your role as a disciplinarian is done which is on average when they are 18. 

RESPECT

This for me is the deciding factor on whether you will have a well behaved child or a brat. Parents need to teach their children how to respect other people and more importantly, themselves. The majority of the problems in society today are based on the fact that people are not respecting themselves, the people around them or their environment. No way would I have been caught dead disgracing myself (which my parents thought was a direct way to disgrace them!) in anywhere with more than one witness! What happened to the days where kids were well behaved in public simply to avoid aunty Bola dragging you home by your ear or uncle Kwame reporting you to your dad? Where have the uncle Desmonds that used to 'lick your neck back' (hit you upside the head) if they caught you acting badly gone? I miss the days where the family of a prostitute thought she was working as an accountant and proud hoes people like OG Niki were non existent...

MORALS

Morals shape our society so why parents think they can get away with not teaching their children this essential part of life is unexplainable. Teaching a person morals has to be done both verbally and visually, the 'Do as I say and not as I do' rule cannot come into play here so you have 9 months to read up on it, research the topic and change your life because saying "It worked for me" is not an excuse to raise a child without any morals.

FREEDOM

As I said earlier my parents were very relaxed about my social life, which was very uncharacteristic for Nigerian parents, but I still had rules. I had to come straight home from school and never gallivant in my school uniform. Also I had to have a destination, none of that 'chilling on road' business as my dad used to say "Roads were created to get you from A to B, it's only a destination to homeless people". 
Too many kids are free to just 'jam on road' which is how they end up being at the wrong 
place at the wrong time. It's a parent's job to ensure you know where your child is at any given time and there's no way the vast number of children I see looking aimless on the streets all got away with lying to their parents about their destination, there is clearly a lack of monitoring. To be honest the only destination you owe your child is school and a religious establishment (if you are that way inclined) so why you allow your children to have a fully booked events calendar when they have no qualifications and do not work as PA's is way beyond me. If your child has too much time on their hands, do what my aunt did and buy them some revision books so they can get ahead at school, her daughter could spell 'communication' before I could and there's a three year age gap!

Raising kids is not easy and in this day and age it is probably harder than ever before but the foundation required for a well behaved child comes from the family. There is no way to teach a person how to become an adequate parent, (the Supernanny approach can't work for everyone!) I just think that if parents did their basic duties the rest would fall into place and there would be fewer 'bad seeds'. The increasing number of teenage parents obviously isn't helping things, one fool my brother calls a friend is a prime example of this:

Fool: Nah, on a real though I think it's time for me to breed (impregnate) my girl!
Me: You're not ready, you haven't finished your education, you live with your mum and you're still very young for that kind of responsibility
Fool: Nah man, I'm ready
Me: Do you have baby money?
Fool: Yeah, man's stacked up! I have £20k under the bed *dumb grin*
Me: (-_-)

And on that note my child will be going to private school! No way is my child going to school with the offspring of an individual stupid enough to believe £20,000 is enough to raise a child, when he can't afford the tuition I will be paying he will surely come to his senses! People need to take becoming a parent more seriously, there is so much more to parenting than giving your child 'swagger'.

I believe that if our family affairs are in order then children will know how to conduct themselves outside of the home and as a result the quality of our society as a whole will improve.

Just a thought...

Disclaimer: Please note I did not say that this was ALL it will take to make a better society or that parents are solely responsible for their children's actions, I just highlighted a few points that I think could help!